I jinxed myself. Completely, totally screwed the pooch when I got all happy I wrote 1000 words early Sunday morning. I was all, “Yay, I got this. I’m in my grove. I’m gonna reach my goals, stay on track, get this done! Boo-ya!! ”

And then… I don’t know what happened. I think it was Sunday. Might have been Saturday. I got scammed Saturday over diapers. I’m still angry about that. What monster posts diapers at cheap prices and screws over moms? And kids, for that matter??? Seriously?? Now I have to wait for PayPal to dispute and hopefully either get the diapers or the money back. Either way, That’s money tied up that shouldn’t be.

But, a happy moment – a shining bright spot after that distressing disaster – a perfect stranger from another Author fan page boosted me up and offered a blessing of help. I’m really grateful for the kind people in this world.

Then, I’ve forgotten my Sunday. I legit, don’t remember much beyond writing those 1000 words. I want to say I spent the day with my son and I did – but if you asked me what we did, I couldn’t tell you right now. My phone was a freaking jerk Sunday and wouldn’t stay charged after that stellarly productive writing moment.

If my phone won’t stay charged, I get squat done. Nada. And that is frustrating.

Btw, I do not like the set up for the Kindle keyboard. If I backspace after I type a word to fix it, the Kindle does some freaky ass shit where I have to delete the whole word and it takes 3x s longer for me to type anything. Just saying. Not my go -to option for writing right now. Grumble.

Then yesterday…My Monday turned up straight outta of a Lifetime drama movie. You know the type – none of that Hallmark lovey-dovey stuff, either.

Naw, I was the friend trying to help the woman in a bad situation. The one miles away, yelling at her friend she’s one step away from being a murder-suicide with her body being found three days later.

I almost didn’t share this because my friend would eat my soul alive for sharing her business but I kept her secret months ago. I listened to her tell me about this man mistreating her and I didn’t push her when she so desperately fed me paper thin lies to justify what happened with this man. She still cut me out then. I barely heard and haven’t seen her for months. I thought she had ended things until two months ago she let it slip that she’s still with him.

Now, she’s a strong, independent woman but she’s a caretaker in love with a man she just shouldn’t. And seeing her accept the verbal abuse and scary unstable behavior of this man because she knows he has a mental health issue breaks my heart. She’s afraid of his anger. She’s afraid of upsetting him and that makes my soul blaze with the desire to protect and help her because she’s being passive. She’s too afraid to get him the help he needs because she doesn’t want to set him off. She’s waiting around hoping someone else will take that decision off her shoulders and I can’t keep her secret anymore.

I couldn’t.

I can’t not say anything. I can’t be silent because I know there are other women out there doing this and that’s why men don’t get the help they need. These women get cowed by the anger. She kicked him out and kept taking him back. It’s everything a classic abusive relationship is and she got mad when I said she’s in a domestically violent relationship because he hasn’t hit her. That was what she didn’t like. What she didn’t understand is that verbal and mental/ emotional abuse is violent. It hurts your soul and whittles away pieces of you to where you are a shell of who you were.

She called me after this man ranted at her for hours. She told me he had picked up a knife and threatened to go off into the woods with it when she tried to call 911. She failed to mention the night before that he had been ranting about killing a little boy he thought was bullying his son. She knows this man is unstable with paranoid delusions and sat and listened to him rant and did nothing about it. She didn’t warn anyone. She didn’t call the police. She let him drive off after hours of enduring this with the naive belief the courthouse he was heading to for a custody hearing would see he was unstable and do something so she wouldn’t be blamed if he was stopped or forced to get help.

She knows he can calm down and appear stable when needed. That’s why she kept taking him back. After he cussed her out. After he left, probably stayed with an ex that I never believed when she said he wasn’t cheating on her with, came back. She keeps trying to stand up and say this is enough but he managed to talk his way back in like a toxic narcissistic plague.

And my soul hurts for her.

I couldn’t keep her secret. That’s how abusers control you. She wasn’t going to call. Even after she found out he ‘somehow voice-to-text recorded ‘ that rant and texted it to his pre-teen son. She was hoping the court would arrested him when he got there. That he couldn’t blame her if they finally found out how sick this man is and in need of mental health intervention. She was so afraid that she just wanted someone else to have that wrath, that blame, rather than make that call.

So, When people say shit like, “Why didn’t she leave?”

“Why didn’t she call someone?”

” Why didn’t she get him help? ”

This is a little insight as to why women don’t leave. Why they keep quiet. Why fear rules their actions and why they forgive and let the cycle continue. Part of it is if you are a friend and letting them lie to you and holding their secret.

I know you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it but you don’t have to stay silent. You don’t have to wait for her to call the cops. You are more a friend if you take that step. She might cut me out. I might never have her trust again. But, she’s not a murder-suicide waiting to be found today. At least I hope not. That little boy he was ranting about isn’t hurt. He’s getting help because I called. I wasn’t giving that man the chance to lie or talk his way out of this. Not that day.

So, yeah, my Monday had me starring in a Lifetime movie drama. What would you have done? No. Really think about that. Think about what you see on the daily. What we accept and turn an eye to hoping or blithely comforting ourselves that surely someone else has called. Surely, someone else will help them. Or hold on to that secret because you don’t want to upset that friend because she’s afraid it will upset the man hurting her.

Too many women keep the secret. We gotta do better. It trickles down and effects everyone. This applies to the #metoo movement too. The amount of people questioning why people don’t say anything boils down to fear. It’s based in fear and this is just one example of how insidiously powerful that fear can be.