FREAKING OUT!!
So this really cool thing happened to me a while ago, which is kinda surprising because really cool things don’t usually happen to me successfully. Oh, don’t get me wrong I’m not a victim by any means, it just seems that more often than not, these potentially “cool things” travel through the universe, across space and time on this incredible journey only to finally get to me and be like, “screw this I quit.” Then somehow I usually fall or injure myself.
For example, take the time I bought my very first car, silver and shiny, it even had a sunroof and a lot of buttons that lit up at night, embarrassingly making me feel like more of a big deal than I had any right to claim to be. Point is, I pulled out of the dealer lot with a smile on my face, ready to take on the world in style, only to be sideswiped by a student driver thirty seconds later. Even worse was that time I was supposed to go to prom with this boy that I had the biggest crush on for the majority of my high school life just to end up with pneumonia two days before the big event, curtailing my vow to give the world’s most awkward handjob in the back of a hunter green Ford Focus indefinitely. (FYI: He’s happily married to the backup date btw ‘cause why wouldn’t he be?) The list goes on unfortunately but you get the point... My “cool things” clearly have a short attention span as well as an intense fear of commitment.
It’s not my fault of course, at least that’s what my grandmother always says. Apparently her dad —my great grandfather —was a pretty big shyster in his prime, garnering up all kinds of familial curses for his future blood kin. Seems forging checks didn’t have people lining up to be BFF’s with Great Grandpa Stanley.
Either way, Gramma is convinced that while most of my family is immune to the promise of misfortune, it somehow chose me as the host to carry out all things disaster related. While I can’t be totally certain, I’m convinced this eagerness for such negative energy is due to the abundance of cellulite in my ass, lots of nooks and crannies for decades old hexes to just chill out and prepare for my demise.
To this day, my Grandmother hands me a new pair of rosary beads almost every time I see her (like she’s buying them in bulk at a Catholic Costco) because in her mind, there’s isn’t anything bad enough that prayer can’t fix.
Rich advice coming from a woman that also steals holy water from church regularly, justifying the sacrilegious theivery by saying she’s simply taking my grandfather’s portion because it’s “not her fault he’s not alive anymore to dip into it himself”. She does the same thing with jelly packets at restaurants. Guess when you think of it, the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree.
I know what you’re thinking...this has to be made up, a character from a book, an episode of the Twilight Zone even. Sadly, it’s all true. My family is proudly dysfunctional and I am apparently destined to suffocate in a barrage of rosary beads and orange marmalade. Thanks very much Stan the Man.
But my friends, fear not!!! I think we’ve had a breakthrough. One of my “cool things” seems to have had a change of heart (or too much to drink) as I have been blessed with the opportunity to do my very first book signing. It all goes down May 10th and so far the turn out is expected to be excellent. I mean, I’m no Michelle Obama or anything but we all gotta start somewhere, right?
Anyway, I’m excited and kinda of scared as I’ve just recently realized how vulnerable you have to allow yourself to be as an author, opening yourself up to criticism, constantly worrying about whether you’re good enough, whether people will accept and appreciate something you’ve put hours and hours of time and even sometimes tears into, just to try to make it perfect for the reader but more importantly for yourself.
Nevertheless, just as much as it is frightening it’s also exhilarating. To be able to see a product of your mind and imagination staring back at you in black and white is surreal at best, mindlowing even. Basically, it’s pretty F’in cool.
For example, take the time I bought my very first car, silver and shiny, it even had a sunroof and a lot of buttons that lit up at night, embarrassingly making me feel like more of a big deal than I had any right to claim to be. Point is, I pulled out of the dealer lot with a smile on my face, ready to take on the world in style, only to be sideswiped by a student driver thirty seconds later. Even worse was that time I was supposed to go to prom with this boy that I had the biggest crush on for the majority of my high school life just to end up with pneumonia two days before the big event, curtailing my vow to give the world’s most awkward handjob in the back of a hunter green Ford Focus indefinitely. (FYI: He’s happily married to the backup date btw ‘cause why wouldn’t he be?) The list goes on unfortunately but you get the point... My “cool things” clearly have a short attention span as well as an intense fear of commitment.
It’s not my fault of course, at least that’s what my grandmother always says. Apparently her dad —my great grandfather —was a pretty big shyster in his prime, garnering up all kinds of familial curses for his future blood kin. Seems forging checks didn’t have people lining up to be BFF’s with Great Grandpa Stanley.
Either way, Gramma is convinced that while most of my family is immune to the promise of misfortune, it somehow chose me as the host to carry out all things disaster related. While I can’t be totally certain, I’m convinced this eagerness for such negative energy is due to the abundance of cellulite in my ass, lots of nooks and crannies for decades old hexes to just chill out and prepare for my demise.
To this day, my Grandmother hands me a new pair of rosary beads almost every time I see her (like she’s buying them in bulk at a Catholic Costco) because in her mind, there’s isn’t anything bad enough that prayer can’t fix.
Rich advice coming from a woman that also steals holy water from church regularly, justifying the sacrilegious theivery by saying she’s simply taking my grandfather’s portion because it’s “not her fault he’s not alive anymore to dip into it himself”. She does the same thing with jelly packets at restaurants. Guess when you think of it, the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree.
I know what you’re thinking...this has to be made up, a character from a book, an episode of the Twilight Zone even. Sadly, it’s all true. My family is proudly dysfunctional and I am apparently destined to suffocate in a barrage of rosary beads and orange marmalade. Thanks very much Stan the Man.
But my friends, fear not!!! I think we’ve had a breakthrough. One of my “cool things” seems to have had a change of heart (or too much to drink) as I have been blessed with the opportunity to do my very first book signing. It all goes down May 10th and so far the turn out is expected to be excellent. I mean, I’m no Michelle Obama or anything but we all gotta start somewhere, right?
Anyway, I’m excited and kinda of scared as I’ve just recently realized how vulnerable you have to allow yourself to be as an author, opening yourself up to criticism, constantly worrying about whether you’re good enough, whether people will accept and appreciate something you’ve put hours and hours of time and even sometimes tears into, just to try to make it perfect for the reader but more importantly for yourself.
Nevertheless, just as much as it is frightening it’s also exhilarating. To be able to see a product of your mind and imagination staring back at you in black and white is surreal at best, mindlowing even. Basically, it’s pretty F’in cool.
Truth is, I’m very scared of failing but I’m even more scared of how I’d feel years from now if I didn’t at least give it a shot.
So there it is, “my cool thing” !!! The event is only a few hours away so it’s probably safe to say it’ll be smooth sailing from here. Or will it?
Oh Stanley! Just had to sign those checks, didn’t ya?
Add Doves and Demons (Taking Flight #1) to your TBR here >>https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4...
While you’re at it, it would be really awesome for you to do the same with Sins and Saints (Taking Flight #2)
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4...
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