I’ve formally decided that I will be the only person NOT running for President in 2020, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have ideas. So, all of you 8 million people who ARE running, please take note, and feel free to steal any (and preferably all) of these.

-Don’t be an asshole. Other people can have different opinions, and they probably have what, at least to them, is a valid reason for those opinions. Listen to them. Try to understand. And, ultimately, know that it’s okay to disagree with each other—respectfully. (One exception: Nazis. They don’t have valid reasons, are not very fine people, and it’s okay to disrespectfully disagree with them. And pee on them.)

-Try to make someone else’s life a little bit better every day—take a few extra seconds to say hello, compliment someone, open a door, help someone carry a package, or thank someone for doing something to help you.

-I don’t know what I don’t know and reserve the right to evolve my thinking when I learn about a different perspective or gain information from someone more informed on a given topic (note: all straight white males will be required to adopt this philosophy).

-Platforms are stupid. A good idea is a good idea, and having one point of view about abortion doesn’t mean you have to have a “related” view about foreign policy or the economy, for example.

-Try to do the most good for the most people all of the time—if you do that consistently, everyone will be better off overall, even if sometimes some people are less well off in a particular instance (we all need to make sacrifices for the greater good sometimes).

-Education reform needs to be prioritized—not just higher ed, where we should be exploring any and all options to make getting the kind of education people need to be successful in life affordable—but in elementary and secondary schools, which are criminally underfunded and underappreciated.

-2nd Amendment defenders, we don’t want to take away your guns, but for the love of Pete’s dragon, can we agree that there are some needlessly powerful weapons out there that are too easy to get and that we need to do something about because no amount of “good guys with guns” is going to stop a lunatic from using them to kill people? And can we all at least agree that kids shouldn’t have to worry about getting killed in mass quantities when they’re at school and talk about what we can do about that in a sane and rational way, and be open to maybe giving something up for the greater good (see point above)?

-Any and all Tina Fey-penned or produced content will be required viewing.

-Keanu Reeves will be appointed Secretary of Commenting on What Happens After We Die. No one else may opine.

-Richard Splett will be appointed Secretary of State.

-Everyone needs to read a book at least once in a while.

-People loving people is always a good thing, no matter what form that takes or how those people are biologically constructed.

-Jon Bon Jovi will write a new national anthem, and we’ll each honor it in our own way (I will do so by playing air guitar).