I had a book on my shelf that had been read halfway through, and I finished it last night. It's called Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho. The book is a collection of very valuable teachings, each no more than a page in length, and addresses how to be victorious in your life. I'd like to share one in particular:

The Warrior of the Light hears comments like: "There are certain things I'd rather not talk about because people are so envious."

When he hears this, the Warrior laughs. Envy cannot harm you, if you don't let it. Envy is part of life and everyone should learn to deal with it.

However, he rarely discusses his plans. And sometimes people believe this is because he is afraid of envy.

But he knows that whenever he talks about a dream, he uses a little bit of energy from that dream in order to do so. And by talking, he runs the risk of spending all the energy he needs to put the dream into action.

A Warrior of the Light knows the power of words.

I selected this passage because I often feel this way: I have some big idea about where I want my life to go, or of some major plans that I've made, but I try not to talk about it. I'm not saying I'm a Warrior of the Light, but maybe I am. However, one reason I don't talk about my plans is because I don't want someone to hold it over my head if those plans fail somehow. There's a part of me that knows that my dreams are for me and no one else—not for another person's expectations or wishes about me and what I should achieve.

Let's look at that word, should. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a "should-statement" is one of many types of negative statements. (CBT teaches us that repeating these negative statements as a form of self-talk is destructive to our mental well-being and therefore our behaviors.) Should is a word that would best not be in your vocabulary when referring to yourself, as in "I should apply for that job, but . . ." or "I should have never married my spouse because . . ." Statements like these open you up to a massive amount of self-criticism. After all, a should-statement basically charges you with having to conduct life in a different way to achieve a different result, whether in the past or the future. You certainly can't change the past, but you can have dreams for the future, not dreams that you should do, but dreams that you can and will do if you work hard enough.

amazon.com

Think about it like this: the only things that should happen in the world are ones that are scientifically proven. For example, if I drop an apple, it should fall down to the floor. If, given that my laptop is reliable, I press certain keys, I should be able to construct the words and sentences I want. Along your path to achieving what you can achieve, there may be things that you should expect to work out for you. If you're in grad school and you spend countless hours studying, preparing papers, and reading, you should expect to do well in your course. The key is to make should your friend instead of your enemy. 

Why pay so much attention to words? Because you, Warrior of the Light, know their power. Don't invite should into your life, and keep your plans to yourself so that others don't put their shoulds upon you. Remember that, above all, for certain inputs of time, energy, work, and creativity, you should expect to see the results you're going after. If you're not getting the results you think you should, you have plenty of work left to do.

Good luck.