If you were lousy at school then you did art. If you were lousy at art as well then they sat you down at the back of the class and got you going on some hand prints or potato prints, or those glitter pictures that your mother stuck on the fridge, and told you to make a painting for the Tate. Because that's where the Tate gets all their pictures from. Some people do a stencil and pretend they're Andy Warhol, some people kick a paint pot on the floor and pretend they're Jackson Pollock. If you...