#Devotion:For Love or Honor
Here is an excerpt from my latest book Devotion: For Love or Honor release date July 10th on Amazon and Goodreads.
I didn't want to dance with David again; he found me as I entered the ballroom after my run-in with Ryan. With nerves on edge, one short breath from completely losing what is left of all my reserved composure when David turns me and the first thing, I see is my guy leading a girl by the hand onto the dance floor.
I was mistaken to believe I could never be hurt more than everything I had endured the past few years with Martin, and here I am with a heart splitting in two. I am the worse kind of fool, one where she desires for a man that swears, he is falling in love with her and is willing to go the distance to be with her but only to give up with such ease. I watch as if I am the driver passing a horrible accident, one where you see the pain plastered across the faces of the poor souls involved while standing on the side of the road. And still even with the possible outcome of such an accident that a victim lies dying in one of those cars, yet you always look.
We as humans are destined to be curious and at the same time professing to ourselves; it is a good thing I hesitated before I left the house or work or as simple as the grocery store line took a little longer than planned. Could it be that something so simple as a delay of our time where we generally as the busy people we are in this, is upset because of the hold on our time and all it takes is seeing an accident to realize what we do have in this life, and the need to now hold it dear is beyond our reach.
This is an example of me right here at this moment, I am watching a train wreck happening before my eyes, and the problem is there is no rush hour traffic, store line, school bus or even heavy equipment being hauled down the road to prevent me from walking straight into the head-on collision.
I, along with any human at this moment, are helpless to stop watching. I look on with morbid curiosity as the hands I have grown to love, to cherish the feel of them in mine, or even with a simple hug the soft imprint they leave on my body shooting straight to my soul, but now they lie just above the backside of another girl.
I am the worst kind of fool dancing in the arms of another man when the one I want more than anything is dancing, not ten feet away. Why can’t we talk this over? I feel I am unable to say the word I need to use most of all. “Sorry.” This situation has no signs of improving, with no way out when I know with certainty; I am leaving at the end of the school year, there seems to be no way up from this point. I continue to watch like the fool I am as her small hands caress his shoulders, moving to the nape of his neck where the hair is short and soft. She should be able to feel the hard flex of his line of muscles as her fingers trace his shoulders. She has to notice the way his strong hands press against her supple flesh.
Does she feel the excitement deep inside her womb as I do when I am in his embrace? Does she feel the genuine warmth of his kind and gentle soul? I doubt it. For her, this moves only skin deep. Or at least I hope it does.
The song ends, along with my torture, making my excuses I leave the dance floor returning to my duties. I end up at the refreshment table, drinking the light spring punch I found the recipe for, yet when I practiced making it at home, it was sweet and refreshing, now though I wish I could add a pint of rum.
“Hey. Are you okay?” I nod. “You don’t look okay.” My best friend asks out of concern.
“I don’t have a choice. I have a job to do. If not, then I would be drowning my feelings in the bar.” I think for a moment then contradicting myself. “Nope never mind. I am a cheap drunk. I would if I could leave here right this minute and buy a huge economical sized bottle of the cheapest alcohol available. I would drink all of it and then welcome the horrible hangover in the morning because there is no way it could on this planet be any worse than being here at this moment and watching that.”
I point towards the dance floor where the girl, who is standing in my place just grabbed his cheeks, kissing my guy on the lips.
I didn't want to dance with David again; he found me as I entered the ballroom after my run-in with Ryan. With nerves on edge, one short breath from completely losing what is left of all my reserved composure when David turns me and the first thing, I see is my guy leading a girl by the hand onto the dance floor.
I was mistaken to believe I could never be hurt more than everything I had endured the past few years with Martin, and here I am with a heart splitting in two. I am the worse kind of fool, one where she desires for a man that swears, he is falling in love with her and is willing to go the distance to be with her but only to give up with such ease. I watch as if I am the driver passing a horrible accident, one where you see the pain plastered across the faces of the poor souls involved while standing on the side of the road. And still even with the possible outcome of such an accident that a victim lies dying in one of those cars, yet you always look.
We as humans are destined to be curious and at the same time professing to ourselves; it is a good thing I hesitated before I left the house or work or as simple as the grocery store line took a little longer than planned. Could it be that something so simple as a delay of our time where we generally as the busy people we are in this, is upset because of the hold on our time and all it takes is seeing an accident to realize what we do have in this life, and the need to now hold it dear is beyond our reach.
This is an example of me right here at this moment, I am watching a train wreck happening before my eyes, and the problem is there is no rush hour traffic, store line, school bus or even heavy equipment being hauled down the road to prevent me from walking straight into the head-on collision.
I, along with any human at this moment, are helpless to stop watching. I look on with morbid curiosity as the hands I have grown to love, to cherish the feel of them in mine, or even with a simple hug the soft imprint they leave on my body shooting straight to my soul, but now they lie just above the backside of another girl.
I am the worst kind of fool dancing in the arms of another man when the one I want more than anything is dancing, not ten feet away. Why can’t we talk this over? I feel I am unable to say the word I need to use most of all. “Sorry.” This situation has no signs of improving, with no way out when I know with certainty; I am leaving at the end of the school year, there seems to be no way up from this point. I continue to watch like the fool I am as her small hands caress his shoulders, moving to the nape of his neck where the hair is short and soft. She should be able to feel the hard flex of his line of muscles as her fingers trace his shoulders. She has to notice the way his strong hands press against her supple flesh.
Does she feel the excitement deep inside her womb as I do when I am in his embrace? Does she feel the genuine warmth of his kind and gentle soul? I doubt it. For her, this moves only skin deep. Or at least I hope it does.
The song ends, along with my torture, making my excuses I leave the dance floor returning to my duties. I end up at the refreshment table, drinking the light spring punch I found the recipe for, yet when I practiced making it at home, it was sweet and refreshing, now though I wish I could add a pint of rum.
“Hey. Are you okay?” I nod. “You don’t look okay.” My best friend asks out of concern.
“I don’t have a choice. I have a job to do. If not, then I would be drowning my feelings in the bar.” I think for a moment then contradicting myself. “Nope never mind. I am a cheap drunk. I would if I could leave here right this minute and buy a huge economical sized bottle of the cheapest alcohol available. I would drink all of it and then welcome the horrible hangover in the morning because there is no way it could on this planet be any worse than being here at this moment and watching that.”
I point towards the dance floor where the girl, who is standing in my place just grabbed his cheeks, kissing my guy on the lips.
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