*Sexy alert* - Upcoming content celebrates the sexy side of romance novels. If you are averse to words that could be considered unladylike, crude, or crass in nature, or if you are sensitive to the sensual nature of sex on the pages of a book, please be advised that some of the erotic nature of my blog may not be suitable for you.

Back to our content. Let’s talk about sex…

How much is too much? YIKES! Some of you just shook your head in disbelief. Okay, I get it, you can never have too much sex. So how about, how much sex is too much per day? In a relationship? In a marriage? While trying to conceive a child? Those are broad questions…with MANY differing opinions.
So, let’s start over…

How much is too much in a book? Again, that is a broad question! Maybe we should narrow it down?

How much sex is normal?

How much is not enough?

I ponder this daily. I write romance. And with that genre, it is implied that the books will have sex scenes in them. Maybe…

Let’s go with the umbrella statement that “Books written by Rie Anders will have sex scenes in them.”
That will help me keep my opinions contained. 😊

The physical act of sex is so much more than the end game of having an orgasm. Okay, I hear you…some of you are being funny right now, and disagreeing with me. Disagreement noted. However, lets shelve that and assume that sex, in a book, is motivated by more than that.

In “Pavey Boulevard” --as some of you will remember--Nick & Shaye had a moment when sex was used to ease pain. It was based in love, but it was the only way that the two of them had left to communicate with each other. The mere act of being connected to someone, through the act of sex, reminded them that they were both still alive.

In “On Island,” Ethan & Evie have sex that is raw and consuming, and fueled by such a liberating declaration of love that no other type of sex would have made that scene what it needed to be. I love their relationship. I love that she is so pure, and yet so trusting. And don’t we need to trust our partner to allow such intimacies to happen?

Each couple was different. Each couple required their own style and sex “story.”

Let’s take this scene as an example:

“Take your clothes off.” He said huskily, and I reached for the hem of my sweater and pulled it over my head. His hands were working frantically on his own belt buckle as I lifted my bottom and pulled off my yoga pants.

I scooted back on the bed as he stepped out of his pants and crawled over me.

“I missed you so much!” He growled in my ear, grabbing my wrists and putting them over my head.

Whispering to him, I told him I missed him too, and he entered me swift and fast. I tried to keep my eyes open so I could watch his eyes cloud with desire, but I failed. Arching to meet him, we fell together, and I cradled him, feeling like my life was finally complete.

As I write I have to ask myself, “Why would he do that? Why would he take her fast? And more importantly, why would she let him?” Sex on a page MUST be driven by something.

Let’s take this scene:

“Why are you stopping?”

He laughed. “I’m not stopping. I’m just looking at you.”
“Can you look later? I’m a little worked up.”

He sat back from me, stood up, and reached out a hand to help me up.

Eyeing him warily, I reached for his hand, and he walked me to the foot of the stairs.

Looking up, I saw that he had hung a mistletoe from an exposed beam.

Standing in front of him, wearing nothing but my panties, I said, “Did you buy that the other day too?”

He grinned like he had done something incredibly important. “I did.”

“Hopeful?”

He thought for a moment. “Optimistic.”

I smiled up at him, and he continued seriously, “It’s up to you, Cat.”

I bit my lower lip, making him wait a moment, and then I reached my arms around his neck and raised my mouth to kiss him.

Lifting me up off the floor, he carried me up the stairs.

The conversation with the character afterwards went something like this:
Cat: Seriously? He’s just taking me upstairs? (hands on hips, half naked)
Me: But he makes love to you Cat. (me at my computer)
Cat: Oh, well, you didn’t say that. (crosses her arms in front of her, covering her breasts)
Me: Go to the next chapter, you spend all day in bed. What else would grown-ups do in bed all day? (Me, pointing to the screen, down a few sentences)
Cat: Does he fuck me or is it slow and sweet? (getting turned on)
Me: You get slow and sweet. (me, grinning cheekily)
Cat: Why? (now mad)
Me: Because he knows you’ve been hurt, and he wants you to know he cherishes you. He can fuck you later. (trying to console her)
Cat: Okay…but as long as that happens too. (such a girl)
Me: Doesn’t it always? (I say assuredly)

Other books have more descriptive sex. Scenes that go one for pages. Some of my books have ‘closed door’ sex, like the scene above, and that’s okay too. (I have this vision in my head of a bunch of women screaming at my window, “No, no, it’s not okay”. Hang in there with me. I will do my best not to disappoint you.)

Real life sex can be slow and sweet, fast and hard, somewhere in the middle, and totally different combinations of those words (or many others). Sometimes we want to be made love to, sometimes we want to make love with you, and quite honestly, sometimes we just want to be fucked.

My characters are just like you and me, and sometimes I let them tell me where to go--and sometimes my storyline mandates how the couples engage.

(To add a little levity to this blog, I will share with you that my 12-year-old keeps popping over my shoulder, asking me what I’m writing. Go away, Irish Ivy, you’re too young.)

So how much is too much in a book? Who knows, but I will continue to write them. I will continue to write sex as the character wants it, and how the storyline needs it.

My apologies in advance if it’s not enough for you.

My apologies in advance if it’s too much for you. I would love to hear your feedback.

In the meantime…