Guys, I know this sounds silly, but sometimes, I truly, deeply in my core, feel like once everyone in my household can go to the bathroom in the right place at the right time without involving me in any way, I will be completely carefree, inexpressibly fulfilled, and unshakably happy, every second of every day. Recently, I tried to make that happen.

After a few months of dealing with the incomprehensible diaper volume required by my “international twins” (see photo), I realized that my numbe...