Originally, this blog was meant to be about me and my journey as a writer, but it seems to have morphed into somewhat of a therapeutic venture for me instead. A place I can come and reflect, or perhaps discuss something that's been weighing on my mind. Today, I want to have a chat about mental health and anxiety. You see, this year has been a struggle for me. I know from the outside looking in, it probably looks like I have a pretty good life - and I do - but having a good life doesn't mean that you're not struggling.

I was in denial for a long time; too long really. In fact, it wasn't until we came back from our trip overseas that everything came to a head, and I realised that actually, I'm not okay right now. I was looking at the world under a fog of grey, and I was struggling to see a way out. It was almost as if I was numb to everyone and everything. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced before, and I'll be honest here, it scared me.

Now, I'm a pretty positive person who believes in the power of positive thinking. I believe that if you truly want something and you believe you can do/get it, then it will happen. You may think that's a bunch of baloney, but this is how I work. As you can imagine, wading through that fog felt almost suffocating for me, and it was hard to find the positive.

But, I believe everything happens for a reason, and I think I needed to reach that place of desolation to be able to find myself again. Slowly but surely, I began to claw my way out with the help of a few good friends, and my family. I'm fortunate to have such a supportive family who quickly rally around when someone is in need. And as much as I hate to admit it, I was in need.
My sister suggested I try yoga and meditation, which I have found to be a great tool for being mindful and quieting the voices inside my head - and as an author, I can assure you, there are many!
I've also made time to do the things I enjoy again. I've started listening to a podcast - one I've been wanting to listen to for a few years now but never found the time - and I'm so glad I did. It's almost as if she (Alison) is reaching into my soul and speaking right to my heart. Everything she says seems to be exactly what I need to hear. I'm feeling more motivated, inspired, and determined to set goals and reach them. If you're into podcasts and you need a boost, I highly recommend Awesome with Alison - check out www.thealisonshow.com for more info.

After putting up a post on my Facebook page about how I'd been struggling and the things I was doing to overcome it, my mum messaged me, asking if I wanted to train for a 12km uphill walk with her, (We also signed up for a 10km wine run!), and that gave me a goal to work towards - an achievable goal. I've started walking the kids to school every morning, and we're going for family walks in the weekends. It was just the push I needed to get me out and about in the fresh air and exercising - two things I think are a necessity for our mental health.

I've prioritised family time instead of working through weekends, and we're making a conscious effort to be present. That in itself has made a huge difference to our family dynamic. I'm ashamed to say that was one of the things I'd let slip. In an attempt to have the life we wanted, I'd prioritised work and let my family life fall aside. I'm not proud of that fact, but I'm working to fix it.
One of my biggest things is that I find it hard to say no to people. This is somewhat of a double edged sword. By saying yes, I can wind up in situations I would never usually put myself in, and even though that makes me uncomfortable, it's also a great way to grow as a person. But at the same time, I've learned that it's okay to say no. That my life and needs are just as important as everyone else's, and for my sanity, I can't take on everything, no matter how much I'd like to. As Alison quoted, "If you don't prioritise your life, others will prioritise it for you."

I'm taking each day as it comes, and I'm trying not to stress. I still have days where things get me down, and sometimes I can't even explain why I feel that way, I just do. What I do know is that it will get better.
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Now that I've got that off my chest, I want to take a moment to reach out to anyone who is struggling - whether it's a bad day, month, or year - if you're finding yourself swimming through a fog with no light peeking through, please, please reach out to someone. It doesn't have to be a medical professional, it can simply be someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Reach out and let them know that you need a little help to get yourself out. That small step of making a connection and talking to someone can be one of the most freeing things. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that jazz - talk it out and feel that weight lift off your shoulders. Take that step. Allow yourself the time to heal. Make yourself a priority in your own life. Do it. I implore you.

Love you xxx