One of the hardest things to do in life is to seek feedback from others. When something you are doing means so much to you, it can almost mentally cripple you when someone critiques it, but feedback is absolutely necessary. Feedback let’s you know if you’re hitting the mark or if you need to redirect what you are doing. Whether we like it or not, most of the things we do in our lives require feedback of some sort. Almost everyone receives evaluations at work. Those evaluations or feedback let you know if you are hitting performance standards. It let’s you know what changes you may need to make at your job. Stepping on the scale when you are trying to lose weight is seeking feedback. You are measuring if what you are doing is working. Any of us who are married likely receive feedback whether we ask for it or not. I have received a lot of informal feedback about my listening ability and really bad habit of failing to wash the dishes.

When you are chasing a dream, you have to seek feedback from others. Someone who provides you feedback can help hold you accountable to timelines or goals you have set. You also need a fresh set of eyes to look at what you are doing to assist you in getting better. You should not write a book and publish it before anyone ever reads it. It is almost impossible to catch all of your own grammatical mistakes because you know what something is supposed to say. If you are trying to become a musician, you probably want someone to listen to your music and your songs. Someone may be able to help you avoid pitfalls or errors. If you are giving a huge speech, you likely want someone to hear your message and make sure it sticks. With anything you do, you should be seeking feedback.

Once you decide you need feedback, one of the biggest decisions is from whom you are going to seek feedback. You want to find someone who will sharpen your skills or who will help provide you advice. That means you need to find someone who is knowledgeable in what you are seeking to do, someone who will be honest with you, someone who has your best interests in mind, and someone who shares your principles. First, you need to find someone who is knowledgeable in your area of your dream. If you want to run a sub-five mile, you should not be seeking feedback from someone who has never ran a mile for time before. The person editing your book should be someone who has more than a general understanding of the English language. Find someone who is really good at what you need, or who has done it before. Be humble enough to find people better than you.

Next, find someone who will be honest, almost brutally honest with you. A “Yes Man” or a “Yes Woman” is not going to help you see your flaws. You need someone willing to challenge what you write or say. You need someone who is willing to push you into your best self. That person who will be honest with you also needs to have your best interests in mind though. Some people will tear down your dream because they do not want to see you succeed. Success often makes others who are not chasing it feel insecure. So, find someone who is okay with you succeeding because they care for you.

Finally, find someone who shares the same principles as you. This does not mean someone has to be your mini-me or your twin, but they should share some of the same core principles. If your goal is spiritual, you want to find someone who is also a spiritual person. If your goal is a fitness goal, you want to seek feedback from someone else who values health, fitness, or wellness. You need to find someone who is nearly as passionate or even more passionate than you are in that field.

I found four people in particular from whom I sought feedback while writing my book. One, was my minister, Steve Harley. Steve is one of the most knowledgeable people I know when it comes to scripture. He’s an effective communicator, and he’s someone who is willing to give people honest feedback. He’s also someone who cares for the members of his church. Therefore, he was knowledgeable in the field in which I was writing; he would give me honest feedback; he cares for me; and he is passionate about Christ. I had him read some of my devotions, and he gave me excellent and worthwhile feedback. He challenged some of the text that I had written, which is what I needed. My dad and mom were two others from whom I sought feedback. My dad had self-published his own book, so he had experience I did not. My dad is definitely a guy who will tell me things that I may not otherwise want to hear, so I knew he would be honest. He’s my dad, so he kind of had to care, and he wanted to see me write a book as well. He was a huge assist in learning how to use the program I was using to publish my book. My mom also read some of my devotions, and she was a huge encouragement and cheerleader to me throughout. My mom obviously cares for me, and she and my dad both share a love and devotion to Christ.

Finally, my wife was my biggest supporter and feedback provider. My wife edited the entire book for me, and trust me, she was not easy on me. She questioned my choice of word usage sometimes resulting in interesting back-and-forth conversations and us debating Webster’s dictionary. I chose my wife to handle most of my revisions because when it comes to editing expertise, she’s a machine. She even wears shirts that say, “Grammar police.” Throughout college and my adult life, my wife has been an excellent grammatical resource. It does not hurt that she is a teacher, and she teaches kids (and her husband) the foundations and rules of the English language. In addition, my wife cares for me, she is very willing to give me brutal honesty, but she also was in my corner and wanted me to succeed for me, but also to spread my message of hope and inspiration to others. She was someone who was willing to provide me excellent feedback to improve. If only she could use that feedback to help me get better with the dishes.

During the next post, I plan to discuss how you can use feedback to adapt to challenges when chasing your dream.