Chapter 1

Although the room was physically spacious, it felt claustrophobic, as if the walls were slowly but surely closing in on me. The table too was quite large, yet I wished there was more width between me and the opposite side of it. My gaze drifted towards the ceiling to floor windows and the view outside. Today was a sunny day, the sort of days for bike rides and picnics and-
The door was opening, I could hear it. My eyes kept staring out the window.

“Sorry I’m late,” his deep voice was flustered. “Traffic was hell.”

I listened to the noise of him hurrying to his seat next to his lawyer, listened to them greet each other and heard him bid my lawyer a warm hello. He knew better than to address me. My eyes tracked the movement of a bird outside. It looked like some sort of bird of prey, or maybe it was just a pigeon.

“Shall we get started now your client is here?” Talia, my lawyer, knew how much I loathed having to be in the same room as him, but she had informed me it was necessary if we wanted to move forward. The court appointed mediator had insisted on us both being present during these meetings.

“Yes,” the opposing lawyer, I couldn’t remember his name, spoke quickly. “The first matter we want to resolve is concerning ownership and usage of the main family residence.”

There was some shuffling of paper before Talia relayed my wishes concerning our home. “My client has no desire to reside in the property. We’re happy to accept financial remuneration in exchange for any claim of ownership on her part.”

The low whispers coming from the opposite side of the table did make me anxious. Would he agree?

“She is also requesting a buy-out of her half of the joint business.” Talia advised them. “Obviously we’re aware you may not have the necessary funds to facilitate an immediate buy-out, so we’re willing to allow a grace period of time before that issue is finalized.”

“An equitable division of all business and personal assets?” the other lawyer asked.

“If by equitable you mean the corresponding percentage of my client’s investments, then yes.” Talia confirmed. “Excluding any valuable items which belonged to my client prior to their relationship and marriage.”

Some more whispering before the lawyer spoke. “That’s acceptable. Now let’s get down to the most important matter: child support and custody. My client is fully prepared to cover the necessary expenses concerning the upbringing of the child involved. He also expects joint custody-”

“No.” I turned to Talia. “No. He can’t-” I finally turned my gaze in his direction. “I won’t let you.”

“Hey,” he greeted softly as his blue eyes scanned my face. A tentative smile started at the edge of his lips. “Jen, I just want-”

“No.” I repeated before looking away from him. It hurt to look at him.

“Jen,” he implored. “Can we just talk? Just you and me? Please, I just want to talk things through-”

“Talia,” My hands were shaking where they laid in my lap. I wasn’t sure if it was rage or fear. “He can’t do this. Don’t let them do this. Please.”

She mouthed ‘it’s ok’ to me then turned back to face my husband and his lawyer. “As my client has stated since the beginning of these proceedings, she is requesting full custody of the child involved.”

“Jen, you can’t do that!” Connor exploded in frustration. All eyes, including mine, swivelled towards him. With a pained expression visible on his face, he took a slow, calming breath, and tried to reason with me. “Please, sweetheart. I’ll agree to everything you want-”

“Connor,” his lawyer interjected sternly. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,”

“Anything she wants,” Connor hissed at his attorney before he stretched his hand across the table in my direction. “Except that. Jen, please. Can’t we discuss this like two rational adults?”

The rage started bubbling up to the surface. How dare he. How dare he imply I was the irrational one. With venom, I spat out, “The safety of my child is the only thing which concerns me, and past incident has proven no child is safe in your care.”

The look on his face, the uncomfortable silence that filled the room, the pain building in my chest; I needed to get out of there.

“Talia,” I grabbed my bag from under the table. “I can’t be here right now.”

“Ok,” she tried to soothe me as I angrily pushed my chair back and stood up.
“I’ll deal with this.”

“Jen,” Connor called.

I took the first angry step away from the table.

“Jen,” Connor jumped to his feet and the chair he had been sitting on toppled backwards.

“Mr Walters,” Talia was up now, as was the other lawyer. “Please control your client.”

“Jen, wait,” Connor was moving in the same direction I was on his side of the table. I turned around and headed the other way, desperate to escape the confines of the room. Connor growled in frustration and stopped a few metres from the closed door. “Goddamnit. Talk to me. Stop running away from me.”

Talk to him? He wanted me to talk to him? I let out a dry, bitter laugh and said without pause, “I hate you. Being around you makes me sick to the stomach. If I never saw you again, it would be too soon.”

Connor stared at me while our respective lawyers each began threatening legal repercussions on our behalf. He didn’t look shocked, just resigned. And tired, he looked so tired. I knew, like me, he probably hadn’t been getting much sleep.

“I won’t let you take her away from me.” he warned, his tone was tender though, firm but laced with tenderness.

I hated the fact my heart still felt as if it belonged to him. I hated the fact I still loved him. He loved me too. Glaring at him, I snorted derisively. If I couldn’t stop loving him, I would make him stop loving me.