Today, a few wonderful women, a few not so pleasant, and myself, can heave a sigh of relief. There is no HIV, Hepatitis C, or Syphilis in this clandestine crook.

I wasn’t too concerned, being of the mindset that I would have felt something if I had an issue. Entering the doctor’s office, he asked me to shut the door and have a seat. My temperature soared. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. My stomach tightened. Without sitting, I asked, “Is it AIDS?”

He looked up from the file, met my eyes, and shook his head.

Alas, I am clean. I was a little disappointed by the negative Syphilis results. That would have put me in league with Al Capone! I could have applied the mental deterioration associated with Syphilis to all of the mistakes I’ve made. And, it’s curable.

Today I ate a grilled cheese sandwich and after nearly bruising my fingers, admitted I couldn’t squeeze any more toothpaste from my mini-tube (it’s smaller than a tube of chap stick). I asked the guard for more. He told me to purchase some off of the store. I told him I had no money. He said that meant I had no one to look good for.

Just an average day in the clink.

The only books available in quarantine are religious, and I’ve learned that you must pick a side. I sent a kite to the chaplain (who is in charge of all religious material) asking for some Christian, Islamic, and Buddhist literature. I received a Bible and some Christian pamphlets on why other religious are false.