It took me a lot of courage to share this….because it is intensely personal for me….

I have seen many people write on “What It’s Like To Suffer From Depression”….

I see a lot of that…and I’m glad that it’s out there. I WANT it out there. That discussion / sharing / healing NEEDS to be out there. It has saved countless lives and every day it saves another.

But, I’m going to add something to the conversation….I’m going to tell you what it’s like to NOT have Depression…and live with those who do….(at least, from my own personal experience. Everyone else’s experience is going to be different….but, I hope you’ll understand.)

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As someone who lives with two people battling depression…let me tell you…it’s not easy. I watched and supported my wonderful husband of 35 years go through it and now I am watching my beautiful 28 year old daughter deal with it.

Here’s what it feels like to be on the outside looking in: Helpless, Frustrating, Lost, Infuriating, Sad….because there is nothing in the world that I can do to fix this. You love these people SO much…and there is nothing in the world you can do to fix the issue. You just have to be there…support them…love them…and not give up on them.

And believe me…not giving up is one of the hardest things in the world. By year 2 or 3, you’re sitting there looking out the window one day and looking at the world outside….and wondering why you’re still inside? Why are you not out there enjoying the sunshine, doing things, going out and living a life - going to the movies, to a restaurant, seeing friends, going to the bookstore, the game store, places with other people and conversation that doesn’t make you feel like you’re helpless - instead of sitting at home with someone who never wants to leave the house…because they can’t, they won’t, they don’t? But, they don’t want you to go either…not really, even if they say “go ahead…I’ll be fine”…they don’t want you to leave them…because you are one of the few last solid points in their life.

It comes to the point where not doing things becomes normal…not stepping outside of your house unless you have to for work and grocery shopping becomes normal. You start to avoid being around other people…even though you desperately need to be around other people…because its no longer part of your “normal”. You don’t do a lot of things because it is no longer part of your “normal”.

This isn't to say that they don't have "Up" days where they DO want to go out and do something and be around other people. And those days are awesome, because they are a glimpse of the person you know is underneath the Depression. But these days are not your new "normal". They are treasures.

Your “normal” is now doing whatever it takes to attempt to keep the low points in your loved ones depression to a minimum. Your “normal” is looking forward to days that they can motivate themselves to do something more than sit in front of a computer screen or television…and want to do something else. Your “normal” becomes maintaining a lifestyle that THEY need…rather than for what YOU need. And your "normal" is doing everything in your power to not "rock the boat" and send them spiraling....no confrontations, no arguments, no negativity.

But you do it…you do it for them…because you love them…and you support them…and you refuse to give up on them no matter what. And then…if you’re lucky…one day…they come out of it. Not always…but sometimes…my hubby did. And now he has his Master’s Degree in Social Work at Baylor University to work with his fellow Veterans, specifically those who suffer with PTSD and TBI.

He still has bouts of Depression that he deals with, but it is no longer a ruling factor in his life.

And I continue to support and love my beautiful daughter, a Navy Veteran herself, as she struggles through dealing with her depression. And believe me, she fights it because she knows that it is not how she wants to be. She's not giving up on herself and I’m not giving up on her….because I love her…and I will always love her and I will never give up on her.

And let me tell you, watching the people you love fight this battle is not easy, because you are on the sidelines and are not able to actively enter the war. You're the Support and Supply Unit - you're there for them because they need to you to be...even when they're pushing you away and telling you that they hate you and you don't understand what it's like to be them. And you DON'T understand...because you don't have to fight the same fight that they're fighting. You're fighting a completely different fight - one that is important to the war, but not in the war itself.

You are fighting to keep your loved one on an even keel, while at the same time, keeping yourself on an even keel. You're fighting to support them through all the downshifts...while maintaining yourself at the same time. And some days...when it is really bad...and believe me, there are some really bad days...you are fighting to not give up and walk away. (There are times when pure Irish Stubbornness comes in handy, let me tell ya!)

And the whole time...you are fighting an enemy that you can't see, don't understand, and who is ravaging the person you love in ways that don't make sense to you...and there is little to nothing that you can actually do other than be there, support them, and take on a new "normal" in your life...but, you do it...because you love them and you are not giving up on them.

So, yes...I am glad that there is a lot of attention being given to "What It's Like To Live With Depression..." - but realize that there is another side to this story and, for me, at least, that’s what its like to be on the outside looking in…just in case you were wondering…..