Unresolved resolutions

Learning to Make True Change

Ah New Year’s. What a wonderful time. The lull between Christmas and New Year’s Eve comes to an end. The cabin fever is dispelled by finally stepping out of the house. You wear real clothes instead of pajamas all day. It’s a new year filled with new opportunities. It’s time to get started on all of those resolutions!

Okay, maybe not. Some people don’t get a Christmas break. Some people are super active on their Christmas break. And…not everyone buys into the resolution fad.

Why call it a fad? Because it is. I’m a regular in the gym. Every January, the same thing happens. You can’t find a parking space, no matter what time you go. The machines, free weights, and treadmills are packed. The place is filled from wall to wall with people who just spent their entire Christmas bonus on new shoes, water bottles, workout clothes, headbands, wrist wraps, those Gatorade chewy packet things, and the latest fitness app. Every April, the same thing happens. Spring cleaning happens, and there are Saturday yard sales where you can get practically brand new workout equipment for next to nothing.

Look, resolutions are for people with resolve, not for people who are actually very comfortable with who they are and how they live but feel guilty every few months because the commercials get to them or because they have friends who seem to be living it up. Diets crash. The house stays clean for like two weeks. You’re motivated to wake up early for a few days, but then life sets in.

It’s the same thing in your relationships, especially your relationship with God. Do you know why people don’t have good communication with their spouses, children, relatives, or coworkers? It’s because they don’t talk, or they don’t listen, or they don’t really say the things that matter. Do you know why people feel guilty for not reading the Bible, witnessing, praying, or serving the Lord? Simple. People don’t read the Bible, witness, pray, or serve the Lord.

Life is far less complicated than we want to make it seem. It really comes down to one thing: resolve. Everything in life comes with a choice, but no one sticks to a choice without resolve. So here’s a thought: Don’t decide to do something unless you’re going to stick with it. Don’t make commitments you know you’re not going to keep. If you know you’re lazy, don’t commit to being hard working. If you know you’re a workaholic, don’t commit to spending less time at work and being home more.

Don’t commit to anything…until you’re resolved. But you can’t be resolved until you take care of some things.

Learn to stop regretting every mistake. It’s time to learn from your mistakes and move on. If you’ve done people wrong, try to make amends. If that’s not possible, confess it to the Lord and do your best to now make that same mistake again. Trust me, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to drop that football again.

Own who you are. Take a long look in the mirror, but then reflect on the choices you’ve made and the motivations behind them. Yes, people can change, but they don’t change just because they get older. Listen, older does not equal more mature. If you’re overweight, ask yourself why. If you have an addiction, ask yourself why. If you’re angry all the time, ask yourself why. If you’re forgetful, ask yourself why. If you’re passive, ask yourself why.

Talk to someone. So you’ve taken stock of where you are in your life. Now you need to talk to someone to make sure it’s not all in your head. Yes, I mean what I said. You could be imagining that things are worse or better than they really are. Talk to someone you can trust that will be real with you. Get professional help if you need it. There’s no shame in it, and it’s time this society accepts the truth that mental health is a national crisis. You can’t “man up” your way out of mental disorders, nor can you just make your past go away.

Decide what you want, but don’t get caught up in the self-love trap. Face the facts. After years of so-called “experts” advocating for everyone to love themselves and selfishly spend inordinate amounts of time on self-love, anxiety disorders, suicide rates, and mass shootings are on the rise. This humanistic view of the world is a lie. Accept yourself as you are, but then be honest about the things that you need to change. Here are some examples:

If you’re the type of person who just speaks his or her mind and pays no attention to whom it hurts, you’re wrong. Don’t sit there on your seat of hubris repeating your callous mantra of, “That’s just who I am.” Stop being a jerk!

If you’re the type of person who lets people walk all over him or her, that’s not okay. I’ll say that again: IT’S NOT OKAY! Stop being a doormat, and quit bottling all of that up before you mess around and snap at the wrong time. Stand up for yourself!

If you’re the type of person who cuts corners, you’re lazy and a cheat. Stop it. It’s not cool.

If you’re the type of person who has no room for error for yourself or others, you will be a lonely person, eventually. No one’s perfect, and no one wants to be held to perfect standards. Hello, God’s son had to die in our place because we can’t attain perfection on our own. Relax!

So, once you’ve taken a long, hard look at yourself, pick just ONE thing that you’d like to do better. Now ask yourself why. Once you know why, solidify it in your mind. Write it down if you need to. Make it your mantra. Knowing why you’re doing something will give you the resolve you need in order to make real change. The kind of change that sticks and makes a difference. Anything short of that will be a wasted resolution.

Honestly, I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. The guilt of not sticking to them is unhealthy and 100% a self-inflicted wound. I’m tired of damaging myself needlessly. However, this cycle of failed resolutions has taught me how to make real changes in my life. I’m also sick of living for other people.

I’m getting ready to start a body transformation challenge. Do I need to? No, but it bothers me that I’ve never reached the fitness goals I’ve worked for. It bothers me that I’ve been in the gym for years but look and feel the same. It bothers me that I have knee, neck, and stomach problems. I know those problems are permanent, and I’ve accepted that as a fact, but I also know it wouldn’t be so bad if I was in better shape. So, I’m doing this challenge to set my fitness on a better path. I have no disillusions of being a fitness model or becoming a super athlete at 40. I just want to be healthier. It doesn’t hurt that this challenge has a cash reward for the winner, and I’m doing this with my wife because she inspires me and I think it will be amazing for us to do this together.

I give that as an example of how resolve will make a difference. Do I think it’s wrong for you to make a list of resolutions? No. I do, however, think it’s a waste of your time if you haven’t done some soul searching. I also think it’s going to hurt you if you don’t stick to that list.

You might be wondering why I’m posting this now and not a few days ago. Well, I don’t have a specific reason, but I bet someone reading this is already beating themselves up for falling off, and we’re only in the first week of the new year. Stop beating yourself up.