From October to December, my mother lay dying. Maternal responsibility and a child’s needs changed hands between us. There were things I must and wanted to do. Settling her into a care home, arranging her affairs, paying bills, making medical decisions – these were the last tribute I could make.

The learning curve was steep: Stage IV uterine cancer, scientific research, laws and courts and legal documents, toxic family drama, banks, creditors, probate. Knowledge is power, and thankfully I’m a quick study.

Ben and I dropped everything, drove 3000 miles with two dogs, and lived for weeks in a hotel. I drafted a will on my phone at my mother’s bedside. I flew out alone on an hour’s notice for a lonely vigil as Mother died. Now there’s the labyrinthine and mind-bending process of Probate Court and administering the estate.

I’m tired at times. I’m still learning. Grief comes and goes like an unpredictable tide. I’m working on a memorial. My help and loyalty were all my mother had left.

I found the title quote amidst the archives of Google Chrome searches and pearls of Instagram wisdom. “Never beg for what you can earn.” The empowerment in those seven words has rung like a bell the last three months. I think it will ring true in your life, too.

I stopped reaching out to fake friends who didn't respond when Mother died. I said goodbye to the brother who’d dumped me years ago. I quit believing promises of help that never fit into anyone’s schedule.

Never beg for what you can earn. I rolled up my sleeves and conquered probate filings, obscure banking laws, family feuds, and becoming an adult orphan. Dig deep; we’re more resourceful than we know.

I've focused on the tribe of sisters who prayed, cried, talked, laughed, lit candles, and broke bread with me. My husband, relatives barely known, and family by marriage stepped up and stood by my mother and me. This is what counts.

These are the sort of souls who see love as a way of life and time as a gift rather than an obligation. Cherish them and let the rest go without struggle. Love yourself, and never beg for support or encouragement.

Self-determination is the domain of the Sacred Feminine and our reservoirs of courage. We reach into the complex truth of our identities and find we are enough. Universal supply is available. At the highest levels, we're abundantly nurtured.

Some affirmations to strengthen our spines: I love a challenge. I’m an excellent problem solver. There are always alternatives. Where there is no path, I make my own. I apply myself with grit and dedication. Entering the flow of Spirit, I cocreate reality with the Divine.

Never beg for what you can earn. To a large extent, we manifest our experience and determine our responses. We create from the energies of all our thoughts, emotions, dreams, and actions. We hold the keys. Hard work pays off. We can do it.

There’s an active reclamation of the power we thoughtlessly give away. It may be easier or quicker to delegate authority, but in that context, we’re at the mercy of another. Sometimes it’s positive or necessary; other times we’re shortchanged. When someone is prodded into helping, their grudging efforts are less than we deserve.

The dignity of our spirits demands full engagement, balanced energetic exchanges, the rigorous joy of effort. Annoying grains of sand and rock are the beginnings of pearls. What irritations may portend jewels of another sort in us?

Plowing through challenges and intimidation, I set higher expectations for myself and stopped settling for less in relationships. I learned that letting go is a form of love, too. Success must come from within to be sustainable.

We have surprises up our sleeves, and sometimes adversity is the prompting that reveals them. When you set out to be a lotus and transcend the mud, remember that destiny has set you on a path of intense personal growth and opportunity. Mercy and blessing will appear where you never looked for them.

The fear that lives in our ego selves is a strange beast, trying to protect us by holding us back. We’re master storytellers in the genre of personal horror. But what if things work out? What if you do a phenomenal job? You might just be the superhero for whom you’ve been waiting.

So get up and try. Never beg for what you can earn. You’ll be stunned to learn what you can master. And once you know, you’re unstoppable.


Singing Woman: Voices of the Sacred Feminine