[image error]Untitled work by Hokusai.

Everyone in the world seems to be under quarantine (of one level or another) right now thanks to the COVID-19 coronavirus. One of the effects is many people working from home as we practice the recommended “social distancing” to help slow the spread of the illness. This means more interaction with family members and exposure to things we might not otherwise hear.

For instance, my three-year-old daughter loves to listen to music and dance to it. During a recent session of this, she suddenly stopped and came over to the iPhone that was playing the music. After listening carefully, she burst out laughing and started repeating what she thought was some of the lyrics to it. As with many small kids (and even adults, sometimes), she misheard the lyrics, but that only made it funnier to her. She kept laughing and repeating her version.

People often ask writers where they get inspiration. The honest answer is: everywhere. Therefore, in the spirit of Weird Al Yankovic, I present the following parody for your enjoyment.

(to “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga)

Mum mum mum mah

Mum mum mum mah

Mum mum mum mah

Mum mum mum mah

Mum mum mum mah

I wanna pick ‘em like they do in toddler days

Dig ‘em let me stretch ‘em roll it baby blow with me, I love it

Snot and inhibition pick the best from in the dark

And after it’s been hooked I’ll flick it clean across the park

Oh, oh, oh

I’ll dig ‘em out, show off all my snot

Oh, oh, oh

I’ll flick them off, show off all my snot

Chorus

Can’t clean my, can’t clean my

No he can’t clean my booger face

(She’s got to clean nobody)

Can’t clean my, can’t clean my

No he can’t clean my booger face

(She’s got to clean nobody)

B-b-b-booger face, b-b-b-booger face

(Mum mum mum mah)

B-b-b-booger face, b-b-b-booger face

(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a snot pair we will be

A little picking is fun when you’re with me,…

Chorus (repeat)