The Four Agreements
Leadership and spirituality are intimately connected. Spirituality is about actualizing your potential in realms that go beyond the physical and material. Leadership’s definition isn’t far off. Leadership is about unlocking the full potential of your people by providing vision, creating an environment of motivation, serving, having empathy, listening, inspiring, challenging, and providing direction. See the overlap? I do.
Some would even argue that leadership and spirituality are two entities without dissimilarity. And no, it’s not just lazy hippies wandering aimlessly on the street that see the importance of spirituality. Some of the greatest minds of all time have argued this.
Take Steve Jobs, for example, whose famous quotes reflect his deeply spiritual side:
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”
“We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?”
These quotes are from just one man, but most of the greatest leaders of all time, like Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, and Nelson Mandela, have been deeply spiritual or religious in their own way.
Let me make an important disclaimer before I go any further. I am not saying that you need to be religious to be a great leader. Spirituality manifests through different pathways—for some people it happens to be religion. When I talk about spirituality, I am referring to the practice of self-awareness and striving to fulfill your higher potential.
Don Miguel Ruiz agrees. He’s a famous author who wrote one of my favorite books on leadership of all time, called The Four Agreements. Ruiz fundamentally believes that the world (or your perspective of the world) is made up of labels, concepts, and beliefs. But these are all illusions, and you are living in a dream that has been programmed into you from the day you were born. Kind of sounds like The Matrix, doesn’t it?
But let me go on because there is wisdom in his words. Ruiz believes that how you see the world has been programmed into your psyche throughout your life from the words that came from your parents, your teachers, your communities, and your peers—everyone in your social circle. Those words then grew into the labels, concepts, and beliefs that define the rules and the boundaries of your reality.
In other words, Ruiz believes that your mindset is just a program. Which means that through self-awareness, you can re-code it however you like. I can’t begin to express how deeply I love this concept. Our life, the way we choose to see it, is our own choice. Two people can see the same life in different ways. One can be ecstatic or miserable, angry or indifferent, happy or sad while looking at the same set of circumstances. It is all a life of our own making.
This concept is imperative for you to grasp if you’re striving to become a better leader. Your mindset is the key to unlocking your greatness. It is the secret to having peace of mind and utter tranquility.
Don Miguel Ruiz defines four agreements to make with yourself today to elevate your self-awareness.
1. Be impeccable with your word
The words and thoughts we tell ourselves can change our beliefs and actions for better or worse. Words are more powerful than you think. If our reality is just a set of beliefs, labels, and concepts, then our words are the building blocks that construct that reality. Your internal dialogue will influence what actually becomes of your life. Negative words sabotage the situation by creating a story that you believe. Positive words can lead you to achieve things beyond what you thought was possible. Be conservative and mindful with your words, both with yourself and others.
I’ll use an example involving my wife to illustrate. She’s a brilliant woman and judge—one of the smartest people I know—but she convinced herself that she is poor at math. She asked for my help with one part of her job that requires her to do basic calculations. It’s an annual requirement. After reviewing her work a few times, it became obvious that she knew exactly what she was doing. She got the calculations right every time! Yet she still insisted I review her work even after showing repeated perfection. Deep down, she doubted herself so deeply. This belief obviously isn’t based on reality; it’s based on her internal dialogue whispering that she isn’t good enough. Words hold tremendous power.
2. Don’t take anything personally
In the same way that words create reality, your words are also a product of your reality. When you take other people’s words personally you are being selfish. Everybody has a different vantage point when judging a situation. The way they communicate their perception is a reflection of their reality, not the reality of the situation. Don’t take someone’s hurtful words personally; if you look at it from their point of view, it probably has little (if anything) to do with you. If you shared the same reality you would know no better than to act and speak in exactly the same way as they do.
I once worked with two partners who had a deep and brooding resentment for each other. One felt he’d been carrying the business for years without any appreciation from the other. The other deeply respected the work ethic of his partner but never vocalized his feelings. Their business almost split apart until we got them talking in the same room and realized their problem was one of miscommunication—two people with different vantage points, different realities, and different ways of using their words. Using the four agreements, the partners reconciled and have had a positive relationship since.
3. Don’t make assumptions
We all have a natural tendency to assume things. The world is less chaotic if we accept that our understanding of reality reflects the truth. Our world could not function if we wallowed in perpetual self-doubt and uncertainty about reality. Assumptions are essential, but they can also be destructive.
Assumptions aren’t always right. Our view of the world is created by facts (which are often incomplete) and beliefs (which may not be based on facts). Most of us once believed the world was flat and that the universe revolved around us. These assumptions created order and peace in our minds as we walked in a world of great uncertainty. But those beliefs were certainly not based on fact, and they did not reflect reality. One of the greatest challenges is discerning between the concrete (real, truth, and fact) and the incomplete (beliefs, assumptions, etc.). We become greater leaders when we accept that our perceptions of reality are incomplete.
4. Always do your best
Always do the best you can, regardless of your situation. Your performance will fluctuate on a day-to-day basis based on changing circumstances that are both within and beyond our control. Accept these circumstances and always do your best for that day. You will have deep satisfaction when you have done your best.
It is not useful to compare today’s performance to yesterday’s, or to someone else’s. Such comparisons will slow your potential and the potential of those around you. However, we make such comparisons all the time. Early on in my career, the company I worked for entrusted me with an important project. The person who managed the project the previous year blew past the targets, so the stakes were high. During the project, I suffered a concussion, and my performance took a major hit. I couldn’t put in the hours to meet the target; my brain literally hurt. At first, I beat myself up about my performance and the impending defeat. But then I accepted my altered circumstances and acknowledged my efforts. No, I wasn’t putting in the time my predecessor had or that I put in before the injury. I was putting in as much time as I possibly could. In these unfavorable circumstances, it was all I could ask for. And so I accepted my circumstances and resolved to have the deep satisfaction of knowing that I had done my best.
These four agreements are fundamentally about integrity. In some ways, they go against the grain of what our society teaches and what the average person values. We live in an ego-driven world, where sometimes the drive for greatness comes from a feeling of deep insecurity. Nowhere is the ego embedded in these agreements.
These agreements have many powerful teachings. Yes, they teach you that your mindset is but a construct, but they also teach you compassion and integrity. They teach you to lead with compassion. They teach you that sometimes in life you will fail to live up to your expectations; and so will others. You will make mistakes; as others will too. Being human is complicated. We are all the products of the illusions that make up our realities. But we create our realities. What reality will you create?
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