Hey, everyone! I hope this finds you all well. I’ll get the book news out of the way first. I’m still plugging away at Stolen Essence. This series has taken me so much longer than my previous books. I also spent a bit with my head a bit messed up because of a diagnosis I hadn’t expected at all that required a procedure during this whole pandemic and left me unable to write because of where that was. It’s more personal in some ways, much longer, and let’s face it- the world is a bit wild right now. I promise I’m working on it everyday, though. I’m also doing bits on another story when I get stuck at a spot in SE. It seems to help my brain roll around whatever the problem is, and after a half of a chapter in the other book, I’m good to go. Anyway, it’s getting there. It’s just long.

The topic for today, however, is kindness. I’ve been seeing an uptick in rude, hateful, threatening, and entitled reviews, posts, and comments. Right now is a difficult time for most of us. Some more than others, but we all feel our own hardships equally. The stress and uncertainty can lead to lashing out online, where it’s “safe.” But it’s not safe. Those are real people on the other side of the screen who are feeling the same things you are.

One of the ones that stick out most to me are the comments about how quickly authors release books. I understand that we all love our stories, and the anticipation for the next one isn’t always fun. I understand that some of us read hundreds and hundreds of books per year. What I don’t understand is messaging authors with nasty or threatening messages/emails or leaving horrible reviews because the books aren’t coming out in days.

I remember growing up back when we waited years between books. You couldn’t talk with the authors. Well, unless you sent a letter through the mail and got lucky enough to get a personal, not-form letter back. Even that took months. Hell, I’m still waiting on some books from years ago. I certainly couldn’t go online and find the author’s website or Facebook page. There wasn’t a Twitter or Instagram waiting to give us little tidbits about the lives and process of the authors. We were cut off. Authors had their worlds, and us readers had ours.

The lines have blurred in this modern age, especially with self-published authors. We tend to release faster and we tend to speak to those who comment on our things or send an email back that is written by our own fingers. Sometimes, I love that. It allows for faster feedback, great friendships, and a less isolated job. Sometimes, I hate that. I know. You’re thinking, “oh, no. I can’t believe she said that!” Well, let me explain. While most of the readers are wonderful, some aren’t. They send things that can break an author’s spirit or throw them into a downward spiral. Some wish terrible things on our families or suggest that we “remove” ourselves from the world. They get upset over waiting a few months and decide that it’s okay to send a crude, graphic death threat. But it’s not okay.

I’m sure not many would enjoy repeated messages at their work stating the same things. They wouldn’t like being harassed daily because they took off work for a few days. Imagine having every single, tiny mistake pointed out and ridiculed by thousands of people even though you spent months working on that one thing.

The same goes for the cover designers, editors, and so on that I’ve seen posts about lately. Things work the way they work, and those of us on this side of things understand that. Just like you all understand things I can’t fathom because I’ve never done it. I have no clue how hard it is to be a bank teller or cop or truck driver because I’ve never done those things. And, I certainly wouldn’t send a vile message to you so you could read it in your own home.

Being an author isn’t a 9-5 kind of job. Well, for a lot of us, anyway. While my days do vary, I’ll give an example. My schedule looks something like this:

3-4am- go to bed; start the cheap vacuum robot thingie that sometimes works6am-(if kids are in school) wake up, get kids ready, get them on the bus; go back to sleep at 7 10am-wake up; check social media; make posts; respond to comments and messages; check email; check schedule to see if I have any events coming up; do some admin work like website, newsletters, and so on; do marketing stuff; do any bills that need to be completed for everything including Homelife stuff; take care of normal household things; grab a shower2pm-quick snack; begin working on book or outline a new one; sometimes I fall asleep at this part depending on how exhausted I am, other times I need to speak with a cover artist or make games for a party or make teasers or whatever is most pressing; sometimes I need to do my ads or worry over my finances so I can pay for things330pm-husband and kids get home; spend time seeing how their day was; throw a load of laundry in4pm-write5pm-begin supper; do housework; chat with kids6pm-eat; feed animals7pm-write; 11pm-snack while writing;

Now, of course, some days do vary. This doesn’t account for the days that I spend at the doctors’ offices. Those take up several per month. And on weekends, it’s a bit more hectic because everyone is home and everyone needs something. Which they’re home now as well so that’s got my schedule wacky. It also doesn’t account for the days that I cannot stay awake due to a condition that I have that’s similar to narcolepsy. Or the days that I’m hurting enough that I can’t sit long enough to do anything. Or if I spend hours outside because an animal is sick or out of the pen or I need to mow. It doesn’t allow for emergencies or terrible news that messes with my head or days where I’m just so burned out that I hate words.

Obviously, this is merely an example of one author’s day. Not everyone’s will be the same, and not everyone writes at the same speed. Some authors have babies that take up more attention than my older kids do or they have older parents with dementia at home that they care for. They may be moving or going through a divorce. They might have just had a baby or just gotten a cancer diagnosis. They may have a new medicine that’s messing with them or a new puppy that’s chewing everything. Maybe their heat/air unit went out and they’re dealing with that or maybe they had a car accident. Maybe they have a full time day job on top of writing and it’s all they can do to even turn on the computer, let alone type out thousands of words. Maybe they’re depressed and those words just won’t come. All of those things that you experience, we do, too. We are people, after all.

And because we are people, we have feelings, too. Sure, there are some bad authors out there who just don’t care, but I promise that you can find that kind of person in every profession on the planet. But most of us really care about how our readers’ experiences are and how our stories are received. We adore those rare reviews and messages that say that we wrote even a few words that touched you or made you laugh or let you purge those tears. We ride that high, pouring that enthusiasm into our next book. We know that people want more of our stories when those reviews keep coming and we’re just as eager to give you more.

But the flip side can occur as well. Those horrible messages I talked about? Well, they put a massive damper on creativity. Ever tried to create a world while you’re being told that you don’t deserve to live or that you should throw your computer in the trash because that’s what you are? It’s hard. Really fucking hard. And like I said, all of that can kick off depression, suicidal ideations, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and so much more which only makes it even harder. Now, I’m not claiming that being an author is the hardest job on the planet. I’m saying that it’s difficult to give life to a funny bit of dialogue or make a new world lush and full when your brain is on a loop of horrors. Or keep going when you feel like no one cares(which is a small part of my issues with writing SE).

So, what am I asking here in this really long post? Am I saying that you must love everything? No. Of course not. You don’t have to like everything. In fact, you won’t. That’s absolutely normal and perfectly okay.

Am I asking you to lie on reviews? No. You should be free to give your opinion of the BOOK. If you didn’t care for the character, then say so. If you thought it needed a bit more world building, then, hey, say so. If you loved the characters but thought the plot had holes… say that. But there are ways to say it without being cruel, and a book review should never devolve into a commentary on the author themselves, particularly when you don’t even know them.

What I am saying is that you should remember that even though we are on the other side of the screen, we are people, too. We are just like you and trying to our best. We cry like you and laugh like you and hurt like you. So, before you send that message, take a good long pause. Ask yourself a few questions.

Am I being entitled and expecting something simply because I want it now? If your message or bad review says something like, “You are a horrible writer. I’ve been waiting three months for this book and you’re just a money grubbing witch that deserves to fall into a vat of oil,” then you are being entitled. No author owes you any book, let alone one according to your schedule. They want you to be happy, of course. They love that you are excited and want to read it. They still don’t owe that to you. Am I saying something that I wouldn’t want said to myself/my loved one? If you wouldn’t say this to your most cherished loved one, rethink what you’re saying, because that author? They are someone’s loved one, too. Calm down, step away if you need to, read it again, and try to find a less volatile way to say what you mean. Or maybe you’ll decide that one typo really doesn’t warrant hate mail.Are my complaints really valid or am I taking my own pain/frustration out on someone else? Look, I’ll be honest. I’ve said things I shouldn’t have because I was so very frustrated at something that had nothing to do with the person I lashed out at. I absolutely regret those moments, but I can’t take those words back. If I could do it over again, I would walk away until I could separate my feelings from my actions. Especially against someone who didn’t deserve it. We’re all learning how to deal right now. It’s okay to feel how you feel. Just remember that not everything needs a villian. Have I said what I liked more times than what I disliked lately? Of course, this one is simply an idea, but I find that sometimes we fall into these moods where we just are negative, negative, negative. We seek that out. We put it out into the world. We surround ourselves with it because that feels comfortable right then. But if you find that your last ten emails have all had a hateful tone or your last six reviews were all one stars, perhaps it’s not those ten people or six books. Maybe it’s your mindset that’s coloring everything. And you know what? Those feelings are perfectly valid. They are yours, and it’s okay to feel angry/ funky/frustrated/etc, but it’s not okay to take them out on others. Maybe take a step back, give it a day, think it over, and see if you still feel the same way.

Now, I’m not offering any psychological advice here. I’m not a doctor. I do suggest a doctor if you find yourself overwhelmed or stuck in any of these feelings for long periods. There is nothing wrong with needing someone to help you find the tools to cope and navigate this really weird thing we call life. What I am doing here is asking that you realize that we aren’t computers.

And even though I just spent a lot of words explaining and talking about hateful reviews/threatening messages, I want to spend just a few more talking about good ones. Until I really submerged myself into the book world, I didn’t really understand how much reviews meant. Oh, I wrote them usually, but I didn’t get it. I didn’t know that it meant that my favorite book would be seen by more people, giving the author more exposure, and allowing them to afford to write more. I didn’t know how much it cost to put out a book. I didn’t understand what having those followers and reviews meant to things like being invited to book cons or getting deals on some sites. I didn’t know that telling others meant my authors could pay for that editing that so many complained about not having. I didn’t know that it could mean the difference between getting the rest of the series and having the publishing company kill the series because of lack of interest. I just didn’t understand what all depends on those reviews.

So, if you liked a book, leave a line or two. Leave a whole detailed review(without spoilers of course because no one likes spoilers). It means that the author you really liked knows that people actually want book two and so they actually write book two. It means that the publishing company picks up that contract so that the series can be finished. If you didn’t like it and want to warn others, hey, do that too. But do it in a way that isn’t unnecessarily cruel. And for the love of cheesecake, please stop using the one star on Goodreads to keep track of books you want to read. They have a whole button for that now that doesn’t affect author rankings(aka how we are seen aka how we pay the bills aka how you get more books to read).

I hope this has given you a bit to think about. I hesitated in writing it because I don’t want to come across as ungrateful. I’m not. I’m so very grateful that you all are giving me a chance and sticking with me as I find my way in this world. I just wanted to let you know that your words are just as powerful as any authors. Choose them wisely, please.