[The original poem can be read here.]

In gutter grime and piss he moaned,
In misery and rain he groaned,
The lord of Mecca lay quite smashed,
His arrogance and hopes were dashed,
The neon light illumed his pain,
The drinkers' cheers destroyed his brain.

For seven days he writhed and sobbed,
For seven days they laughed and lobbed
Their empties out at Allah's face,
Then Loki sauntered from the place.
He gave the fallen god a hand,
And steadied him till he could stand.
"Oh, stop that whining, desert prick!
Mjolnir hurts. My bro's a dick.
But wallow inside, grab a drink,
And wash that filthy gutter stink.
They kicked you down, but have some pride,
Don't let them say that Allah cried!"

'Forgotten Gods' in neon glow.
"Forgotten gods," said Loki, "so..."
He ordered scotch and Allah glugged,
And Ares glared; the trickster shrugged.
"Let Allah quaff his woes away.
Among us who could ever say,
We didn't often play the twit,
Like henotheists, full of shit?"
The bloody warlord spat but stayed
His words of wrath and too his blade.
"Fine, Loki," uttered mighty Zeus,
"We'll tolerate him, no abuse.
Let Allah stay and drink his tears.
But talk of 'shirk'? I'll box his ears!"

So night by night, he lived haram.
"A little sin did no one harm!
Oh, gods, I fucked up banning grog!
Without it life would be a slog!"

But word of Allah reached a man
Who burned in hellfire's endless span.
"He sits and drinks with pagan scum!?!
I'll batter him! My will be done!
Hey, Satan! I demand a pass
To leave this place and beat God's arse!"
"Whatever." Satan waved his beer.
"Go shriek up there instead of here."

Forgotten Gods, he barged within,
He stared at each and every sin,
Then ploughed his way unto the bar,
Enraged, he screamed, "My god, kuffar!?!"
"Mohammed!" Allah turned with joy.
"Another drink! Welcome, my boy!"
And Allah tried to hug but missed;
Mohammed dodged and clenched his fist.
He punched poor Allah left and right,
And knocked him down then kicked the shite
From Mecca's former god and his,
"Betrayer! Sinner! Fuck is this?
I made you strong, I made them pray,
I slaughtered foes to force the day
That millions knelt and called your name;
I wrote your book and gave you fame!
You gorged and lazed, so soft and fat,
What thanks is this for all of that?"
"Mohammed," Allah said and stood,
"I've found my peace, jihad ain't good!
We'll share a drink, and once you've heard-"
"Oh, shut your face, you fucking nerd!"
The prophet bashed him, splashed his gore
Across the bar, across the floor.
"Next time I'll beat you twice as bad.
I find you here? It's full jihad!"
Mohammed stormed out, back to hell.
Anubis cackled. "That went well!"

What could the lord of Mecca do?
Like heaven, was his time here through?
He slumped and drank and cursed his luck.
"Mohammed hit me like a truck!
A fallen god, I fall and fall-"
"Now, Allah, let's not hear you bawl,"
Said Loki. "Why not toughen up,
And challenge that damned mortal pup?"
"But, Loki, I'm a deadbeat jerk.
Mohammed's sword did all the work.
He told the truth, the wretched cur..."
"You need a trainer. How 'bout her?"
And Loki waved Athene close.
She rolled her eyes, her mood morose.
"This guy?" The goddess smacked his head.
"A woman-hater! Better dead!"
"He made mistakes, but don't we all?
Besides that, don't you love a brawl?
Your heroes triumphed as you willed,
You smiled when Odysseus killed
The suitors clogging up his home,
So come on, throw a god a bone!"

She brought her mates and made him train,
Polydeuces' fists shook his brain,
Achilles' footwork made him reel,
And Heracles' bear-hug of steel
Deflated Allah, broke his back,
Athene went on her attack;
She hit him low, she hit him high,
And Allah crumpled, stared at sky.
The goddess growled and kicked his flank.
"No time to lie around and wank!
I didn't hear no fucking bell,
Remember who'll come back from hell!"
And Allah rose, he spat his blood.
"I wiped out humans with a flood!
Mohammed thinks he'll batter me?
That prophet fuck! Soon he'll see!"
He trained by night, he trained by day,
Athene taught him how to slay.
The bruises bulged upon his hide.
He claimed each wound a badge of pride.

Mohammed barged in through the door.
"I'll spill his brains upon the floor!
I told that god, 'Abandon sin!'
Instead, I'll have to butcher him!"
And Allah winced before his rage.
Athene said, "Get in the cage!"
So Allah grit his teeth and did
Exactly what the goddess said.
The prophet charged, they traded blows,
Mohammed busted Allah's nose,
And flailed away while Allah bled,
Saw angels spinning round his head.
The lord of Mecca tottered back,
The former prophet on attack.
Athene shouted from afar,
"Oh, come on, Allah, bomaye!"
In Allah's eye the fury flashed,
Upon Mohammed's face it smashed,
With Pollux' skill, and rage beneath,
A punch that scattered prophet teeth.
And Allah roared, the god saw red,
Suplexed Mohammed on his head,
Then barred his arm and cranked his neck.
He left the man from hell a wreck.
Mohammed groaned before his god,
A demon lugged the sorry sod
To hell and Satan's burning laugh:
"Let's chuck him in the lake of barf!"

'Forgotten Gods', in neon glow.
"Forgotten gods!" said Allah. "Oh!"
He raised a scotch, declared a toast:
"It's pantheons that matter most!
No god's an island, nor a peak,
Alone I wallowed, soft and weak,
Outsourced to prophets like that man,
A monotheist? What a scam!
Now Allah's time with that is through,
I'd rather revel here with you!"

---------

For no apparent reason, a sequel idea to the original When Allah Got Laid Off popped into my head last night, and I decided to run with it -- since it was either that or press on with the interactive novel I've been procrastinating over for months. And besides, don't we all deserve a happy ending or two during these troubled times?