Declaring Yourself
Two weeks ago I self-published my first “novel.” I say that in quotations because it’s sort of a hybrid of a collection of short stories and a unified narrative from multiple POVs. So, even as I write this post and I try to celebrate my publication, you’ll see I have a lot of work to go to true self-validation. I can’t help but undercut myself even now.
A week ago, I got to do an AMA on r/Fantasy as their Writer of the Day. It’s a space for newer and lesser known writers to present themselves to the larger Fantasy community and promote themselves. Then, not long after that, I got to hold my vert first book. It has my name on it and everything.
Now, to be clear, this moment has been so hyped by the writing community, right? I’ve done it. I’m published. I’m in the NFL or whatever. I’ve arrived. My mom is referring to me as a published author. It’s happening.
Of course, I haven’t told them I’ve only sold 10 copies. That all those copies come from friends and families supporting me. That my reddit post didn’t have a lot of attention or upvotes or anything else. I try to push away all the thoughts that bubble up and remind me that I’m still not there, that I still haven’t arrived, that self-publishing is for second-rate authors, that I’m consigned to oblivion and anonymity.
Man. The negativity is real.
But there was one real moment during the whole AMA experience that made it worth it. It was fleeting, and I had to hold onto it tightly. It was just as fleeting as holding my book for a first time. It was this one nagging thought that filled me with delight:
I. Am. A. Writer.
Now, I know that’s fairly obvious, but it’s not. We give away the -er suffix very rarely these days. I mean, someone can paint, but does that make them a painter? My friends can play football in the backyard, but does that make them football players? We have this strange connection between doing something as a professional and letting that be an identity marker. I can be a writer when I write professionally.
But what does that mean?
Does that mean writing full time? Because then very very few people are writers. One thing I’ve learned in this journey is that there are a lot of writers in the world. There are SO many books (4,500+ self-published A DAY in 2018 in the US alone). Are they not real writers? What do they need to do to become real writers?
It’s a real question. Where is the line? Writer work towards dozens of goals and each one feels impossible. When you first sit down, you think there’s no way you’ll ever write a novel. Then you do. Are you a writer? Most people never write a whole book. So did you make it? Well, apparently not. You need to edit the book. Then you go back, and that feels impossible. I mean, of those that write books, very few ever edit it. So, you push through and you edit it. Are you a writer now? Not really. You’ve got to get the book out there. An even smaller percentage of people that write books ever do anything with them.
And on and on it goes. No one ever writes them. No one ever revises them. No one ever sends them to agents. No one ever gets an agent. No one ever gets an editor or publisher. No one ever self-publishes (which I’ve learned is a ridiculous amount of work). When are you official? When you’re on the NYT Bestseller list? When you’re on a talk show? When you get a movie or TV deal? Those are the author’s we’ve heard of. That’s who we should aspire to be, right? Those are the real writers.
The goalpost keeps moving. That’s the trap. It’s amazing that so many authors who are publishing bestsellers and getting movie deals still don’t feel like a real writer.
There’s only one way to be a writer: declare yourself one. That was the crazy thing about the AMA and self-publishing: I looked at the universe and said, “I’m a writer.” I wrote a blurb saying, “Hello, r/Fantasy, my name is Rory Hatchel and I’m a fantasy writer.” I decide to introduce myself that way. I decide to put that in my Twitter bio.
No one is going to come along with a magic wand, tap me on the shoulder, and declare me a writer. I have to declare it to myself. I can’t sit down at the desk and say, “if this goes well, I’ll be a writer.” I can’t say, “If this sells, I’ll be a real writer.” I have to sit down and declare myself a real writer, and then — as a writer — I need to get to work.
So here it is, louder and clearer for the people in the back:
I am a writer.
A week ago, I got to do an AMA on r/Fantasy as their Writer of the Day. It’s a space for newer and lesser known writers to present themselves to the larger Fantasy community and promote themselves. Then, not long after that, I got to hold my vert first book. It has my name on it and everything.
Now, to be clear, this moment has been so hyped by the writing community, right? I’ve done it. I’m published. I’m in the NFL or whatever. I’ve arrived. My mom is referring to me as a published author. It’s happening.
Of course, I haven’t told them I’ve only sold 10 copies. That all those copies come from friends and families supporting me. That my reddit post didn’t have a lot of attention or upvotes or anything else. I try to push away all the thoughts that bubble up and remind me that I’m still not there, that I still haven’t arrived, that self-publishing is for second-rate authors, that I’m consigned to oblivion and anonymity.
Man. The negativity is real.
But there was one real moment during the whole AMA experience that made it worth it. It was fleeting, and I had to hold onto it tightly. It was just as fleeting as holding my book for a first time. It was this one nagging thought that filled me with delight:
I. Am. A. Writer.
Now, I know that’s fairly obvious, but it’s not. We give away the -er suffix very rarely these days. I mean, someone can paint, but does that make them a painter? My friends can play football in the backyard, but does that make them football players? We have this strange connection between doing something as a professional and letting that be an identity marker. I can be a writer when I write professionally.
But what does that mean?
Does that mean writing full time? Because then very very few people are writers. One thing I’ve learned in this journey is that there are a lot of writers in the world. There are SO many books (4,500+ self-published A DAY in 2018 in the US alone). Are they not real writers? What do they need to do to become real writers?
It’s a real question. Where is the line? Writer work towards dozens of goals and each one feels impossible. When you first sit down, you think there’s no way you’ll ever write a novel. Then you do. Are you a writer? Most people never write a whole book. So did you make it? Well, apparently not. You need to edit the book. Then you go back, and that feels impossible. I mean, of those that write books, very few ever edit it. So, you push through and you edit it. Are you a writer now? Not really. You’ve got to get the book out there. An even smaller percentage of people that write books ever do anything with them.
And on and on it goes. No one ever writes them. No one ever revises them. No one ever sends them to agents. No one ever gets an agent. No one ever gets an editor or publisher. No one ever self-publishes (which I’ve learned is a ridiculous amount of work). When are you official? When you’re on the NYT Bestseller list? When you’re on a talk show? When you get a movie or TV deal? Those are the author’s we’ve heard of. That’s who we should aspire to be, right? Those are the real writers.
The goalpost keeps moving. That’s the trap. It’s amazing that so many authors who are publishing bestsellers and getting movie deals still don’t feel like a real writer.
There’s only one way to be a writer: declare yourself one. That was the crazy thing about the AMA and self-publishing: I looked at the universe and said, “I’m a writer.” I wrote a blurb saying, “Hello, r/Fantasy, my name is Rory Hatchel and I’m a fantasy writer.” I decide to introduce myself that way. I decide to put that in my Twitter bio.
No one is going to come along with a magic wand, tap me on the shoulder, and declare me a writer. I have to declare it to myself. I can’t sit down at the desk and say, “if this goes well, I’ll be a writer.” I can’t say, “If this sells, I’ll be a real writer.” I have to sit down and declare myself a real writer, and then — as a writer — I need to get to work.
So here it is, louder and clearer for the people in the back:
I am a writer.
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