This lockdown due to the COVID-19 outbreak has been a pain to most of us. Many people are facing a relapse of the mental health issues they have worked so hard to keep at bay – anxiety, frustration, depression, OCD.

For my part, I have decided to try my hand at fulfilling a lifelong dream – my dream to write a book, and watch it influence many people. To actually have it be a success.

Other than that, I’ve been studying, and Amma has taken to forcibly making me watch Mahabharata with her twice a day.

I must say, it is pretty interesting, and the special effects are amusing, for the most part. I’m not saying that I believe in it, because I’m pretty sure I don’t, but it is interesting all the same. The dialogues and concepts embedded in this epic have found their way to be applicable even now, in these times, in the 21st century.

Today I decided to call my grandmother – Amma’s mom, after a long time. I told her about how Amma has been making me watch Mahabharata with her every day.

Somehow, the conversation steered in the direction of its concepts and the lessons it finally imparts.

She said a few things that hit home, and I’d like to share a few things here with you.

You see, there isn’t a single person living who is devoid of bad qualities. But there isn’t a single person living who is devoid of good qualities, either. She began by telling me Krishna’s good qualities – he was a good politician, counsellor, ruler, etc. So I countered by saying, of course he is perfect ; he is an avatar of Vishnu, isn’t he?

“See, whomever has good qualities, guna, is an avatar of God.”

I contemplated this for a second. “Even those who decide to terrorize hundreds of innocent people all over the world? Osama?” I asked her.

“Of course,” She said, without hesitation. “After all, according to psychology, perfection is a myth. Krishna too had his share of bad qualities. Look at how he guided Bhima to kill Duryodhana. It was unethical. Yet he is an avatar of God.”

I guess the bottom line is that(naive as it may sound), there are no bad people or good people in this world. We all have our share of flaws, of insecurities, and we have our share of goodness, empathy and love, too. With Manna’s logic then, don’t we all have the energy in us that some of us call “God”?

I have hated so many for the things they have subjected me to. I have hated my situation, myself, for the mistakes I have made. I have hated life, I have hated love. I have hated those that have hurt me so badly I wondered if I would ever recover. I hated those who judged me without knowing my story, those who refused to listen to me, those who never forgave.

Today I vow to see the good in people. Today I vow to forget, and forgive, and love, despite its reciprocation. Because everyone you meet houses “God” in them. And today, the faith that had been stolen from me a year ago has finally returned. I am finally whole again.

I think I’m finally clean.