I guess I’m posting this because there’s a part of me that can’t quite believe I’m not going to get to have another conversation with them, that no one is going to get to talk to them about books, or kink, or autism, or being Jewish, or anything else.

But there is one thing I do know: This isn’t the end of peoples’ writing being influenced by Corey Alexander. That part, at least, gets to live on with us.

Two years ago, I came out of a really hard relationship, and they were there for me.

They said: It’s okay to be where you’re at, and I have not forgotten.

It inspired the following piece of writing, which I feel is relevant again today.

Little rituals, they said to me. It’s hard to break the habits straight away. You’re used to them. And this isn’t stepping away. Honouring and observing structure is being true to your heart.

Start slow.

I’m starting slow. Honouring myself. Kneeling beside my wooden desk, where my boots have sat for weeks, untouched. Breathing in that unbelievably familiar scent. How did it become so familiar? Leather never mattered to me before.

Oh.

Oh. And that’s okay. Breathe it through. In, then out.

These boots are sitting in the shadow cast by my desk. They are the protectors of my ankles. They hug me close to the foot. They are little witchy boots that keep me walking on the path. They are mine.

The cool wood against my forehead feels like it’s holding me in place. Not rushing forward, nor rocking back. The wood isn’t a warm hand. It’s not breathing in time with another person. It isn’t a lot of things.

But it is this moment. I am in this moment. Cool wood, and soft leather, and I am calm. I am centred.

I am pleased with who I see in my innermost self. I have learned, and grown, and I am so proud of that. I have kept a daily journal. I will continue to do so. When the pages of that journal run out, this period of my life will be over and I will enter into a new one.

And that’s okay.

Breathe. In, then out.

Cool wood and soft leather, and I am smiling against the boot’s purple laces.

I know myself. I know myself better than I have ever known myself before, and I will continue to know myself better today. And I will continue to know myself better tomorrow.

Cool wood and soft leather.

I am exactly where I need to be.