‘That alone was reason enough for the entire population to keep themselves in a near permanent state of intoxication. It was better than waking up sober and realising the truth. They were all inmates in a prison of their own creation.’

Excerpt from We Men of Ash and Shadow

Forget what you learnt from watching ‘The Little Mermaid’. Contrary to what Disney would have you believe, crustaceans can be pretty nefarious.

Perhaps not completely evil, after all, they’re really just the spiders of the sea, and spiders, for the most part, are pretty harmless. While crabs don’t pose much of a threat to us (unless of course, you happen to be barefoot in the wrong place at the wrong time), there is one particular behavior they exhibit that seems, well, a little underhanded.

Or should that be clawed?

‘Crab Mentality’ – also known as the ‘Crab Bucket Effect’ – is a reaction to capture wherein any number of crabs in the same bucket will actively hinder any attempts at escape by another crab. Essentially, if one of them tries to crawl out of the bucket, the rest of the group will pull them back down. If the crabs allowed one another to climb without obstacle, there would be no reason that they could not all escape. Instead, they seem to take the attitude of ‘well if I’m stuck in here so are you‘.

Most of us would like to believe that we’re not like crabs. But we can all, often without realising or intending it, fall victim to this sort of mentality. This behavior is commonly replicated in human social groups both online and in real life. You see it all the time without ever noticing it. Truthfully? You’ve probably done it yourself. I know I have.

Admittedly, a lot of the time when we exhibit ‘Crab Mentality’ we do so thinking that we are acting in the best interests of the other person. Or that we are trying to be kind.

For example, how many times upon hearing a friend say ‘I need to go on a diet’, do we automatically respond with ‘What? That’s ridiculous, you’re perfect as you are, here have another piece of cake.’ (Admittedly this response is the easiest as we have all recently established that everything is, in fact, made of cake).

Are we just being nice to that person? Are we lifting them up? Or are we actually doing them a disservice by discouraging their desire for betterment? We probably do see our friends as being perfect just the way they are, and maybe they don’t need to lose any weight. But that isn’t the point.

Surely a better response would be ‘so what are your goals? I mean, I think you’re fantastic anyway but if you fancy it we can go for a hike this weekend?’

Why is it that so often, when people want to progress, we want them to stay where they are? One theory is that when someone makes a statement indicating a desire to change something that they perceive as an area they want to improve in, we consider any response that affirms that desire as a reinforcement of a negative perception.

Perhaps in our own way, we’re trying to protect them from failure. We all know how much it hurts when you try something and it doesn’t quite go the way that you wanted, or when we’re just not up to a task. We could argue that maybe this is part of the reason that a lot of us aren’t that good with constructive criticism.

It all comes down to using the right words, expressing ourselves more effectively, and being more considerate of the impact our reactions will have, regardless of their intention.

Imagine, if you will, that you’re a crab and instead of crawling your way out of the bucket, you’re trying to write, or paint, or learn, or exercise your way out of it.

Now, instead of the other crabs grabbing you by the legs and pulling you back down into a heaving pile of squirming, barnacle-covered crustaceans, they’re holding you back with words.

They’re telling you that you’re amazing when the truth is, perhaps there are things that you could be doing better. They don’t point out your mistakes or areas of weakness.

Just to clarify, I am not suggesting that we should all suddenly start being deeply critical of each other and wantonly pointing out other people’s flaws without invitation.

There is a time and a place for critique, and a manner in which it should be delivered. For anyone looking to improve anything, constructive criticism is vital. But so is learning how to give it and receive it appropriately.

The point that I am making is this – sometimes, our attempts to make people feel better result in nothing more than us holding them back. Lifting people up doesn’t equate to telling them that they’re perfect. It means believing in their ability, potential and encouraging them to keep on crawling out of the bucket.

Of course, as much as I truly believe in the overall decency of people and that most of us act this way for the reasons stated above (protection, kindness), there will always be those who hold you back for more self-serving reasons.

Resentment, jealousy, and a desire to maintain the status quo will always compel some people to hinder progression and reject change. These people will use different tactics to keep you from crawling to freedom, and will deliberately and consciously seek to undermine your confidence and self-identity.

They won’t tell you that you don’t need to change because you’re great just the way you are. They’ll tell you that you can’t change, or shouldn’t change because you’re stupid, or wrong or don’t have what it takes.

Don’t listen to them. If nothing else, I think this just proves that the chances are they probably aren’t even people. They’re just giant sentient crabs walking around in humanoid skin suits. Let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing 2020 has thrown at us by a long shot.

Until next time – be good to yourselves, your bodies and your minds.