Warning – This post may contain triggers relating to suicidal thoughts and/or depression. Please read at your own discretion.

A few years ago I was visiting a friend who lived in an apartment complex. Each of the flats from the first floor up had a balcony that overlooked an inner courtyard in the middle of the complex. I don’t remember what floor we were on, but it was fairly high up so I would guess that it was about the third or fourth. After a day of catching up, we were sitting on the balcony with a drink in our hands just quietly chilling out.

I don’t recall what we were talking about, but I do distinctly remember looking out over the courtyard to the balcony of the flat opposite and thinking – I could jump that, I could do it. The rational part of my brain that knows about things like logic, distance and gravity would have known that there was no possible way I could jump from that balcony and make it across the (at a guess) thirty-foot gap.

But the voice in my head was certain – I could definitely do it. I was superman. The laws of nature wouldn’t apply to me.

I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t suffering from any sort of anxiety at that time, and I had absolutely no desire to harm myself. Yet the urge to stand up and leap was alarmingly real. It wasn’t the first time either. There have been times I’ve stood at the edge of a cliff and heard that ‘little voice’ telling me to inch a little closer to the edge. When I hear a fast train coming into the station, I feel this incredible pull towards the tracks. I can run fast enough. I can make it.

Some people would mistake these for dark thoughts, but they aren’t.

This is actually an exceptionally common psychological phenomenon. It’s called ‘The Call of the Void’ and many people experience it at least once during their lifetime.

It is very important to point out that, whilst ‘Call of the Void’ (or l’appel du void as it is probably more commonly known) is more prevalent in people who suffer from anxiety, it is NOT an indicator of suicidal tendencies or desire. Most people who experience it do so without ever having suffered any major depressive phases. Almost half of all people will experience it at least once – with some people reporting to feel it on a regular basis.

The phenomenon commonly manifests in situations where you are confronted with a potentially life threatening situation. It is thought that people who suffer from anxiety may be more susceptible, due in part to their tendency to operate in a ‘high alert’ mode (making them more hyper-aware of negative stimuli).

There have been very few studies on the phenomenon; however, it is widely assumed that this reaction is caused by a particular method of processing thought.

The human brain functions on two levels – the conscious mind and the emotional mind. When confronted with a frightening or dangerous situation, the emotional mind will flood the brain network with ‘chatter’ causing the conscious brain to become overwhelmed. This is where we see physical reactions such as sweating, rapid breathing, and an elevated heart rate begin to happen.

While the purpose of the emotional mind is to process our chemical and physical reactions to stimuli, the conscious mind contains all of the information we have gathered over our lifespan in the form of our learned memory, experience and thought. I.e. when confronted with an oncoming car, the emotional mind may make your heart race but your conscious mind will tell you to step out of the path of the vehicle.

‘Call of the Void’ is fascinating, in that it occurs in situations where neither part of the brain has immediately recognised the potential dangers of the situation. Your conscious mind looks at the edge of the cliff and doesn’t really register it as a threat. So your emotional mind, which has already subconsciously identified the threat, manifests this recognition of danger as a compulsion to move towards it. Leap, etc.

This then allows your conscious mind to trigger survival tactics and/or rationale, allowing you to recognise the threat to your safety so that you can pull away. Essentially, your brain tells you to put your life at risk, so that it can save you from yourself.

As a writer who creates predominantly darker story lines, I find that learning and understanding more about the complex and intriguing reasons behind some of these psychological experiences helps me to create richer, more engaging characters.

If you are interested in learning more about the ‘Call of the Void’ there are some great articles available via Google search. The human mind is a wonderful, intricate thing. The more we can learn about it, the better we can understand ourselves.

Until next time, be good to yourselves, your minds and bodies.

Note: This article is based on information available from a study conducted by the University of Miami – if you or someone you know is struggling with intrusive thoughts of self-harm that are giving you cause for concern, you should contact a trained professional who can help you with support and guidance.

For UK readers – The Samaritans free helpline is open 24-7 on 116 123