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The swampy heat of the Louisiana night was making my fur all frizzy. The fat, golden moon hung high above the humidity that bore down on me with the authority of a nip to the earlobe by my mother, God rest her fluffy soul. 

I was perched on the roof of the backhoe, surveying the ground in front of me. The empty lot was once filled with patchy grass and abandoned plastic wrappers that blew through like man-made tumbleweeds. Now that grass was turned over, the ground marked by the initial scratches caused by these massive machines. 

I envied them their ability to move earth. I knew it took skill, a skill my roommate didn’t seem to appreciate when I used it on her houseplants.  

Speaking of my roommate, she would pitch a fit if she knew I was out here miles from home in the hot Louisiana night. She insisted I was an indoor cat, even if my actions clearly proved I wasn’t. Jade might be catching on however. She’d recently bought a leash and decided to take me outdoors on the end of the thing a few times a week.

I had opinions about leash training, but it wouldn’t be polite to share them here. Even us cats knew how to curse up a storm when the occasion warranted it. 

Jade didn’t know about my new secret exit from the house, and I aimed to keep it this way. If I could only resist the handyman’s magic fingers, I’d encourage the roommate to send him far away. But that man had a way of petting me that put me on Cloud Ten! Maybe I should start encouraging Jade to invite him over more often. 

Maybe the handyman would stick around permanently. 

I wouldn’t have found this particular place if it weren’t for a fight I’d had with a local tom. He’d been straying too close to the plantation house for comfort, so I had to go out and assert my rights. He’d fled, and as all cats are aware, I had been honor bound to give chase.

By the time he’d finally gone to ground, we were miles away from the plantation. He’d shoved his bulk under one of the yellow digging machines in this very lot, then started yowling like his tail was on fire. 

I’d stalked the digger, waiting for him to come out so I could ambush him, when I’d realized his pitiful shouts had really been a call to arms. Three younger, leaner cats had appeared, chasing me off the empty lot and assaulting my feline pride. 

I wasn’t one to give up a fight however, and I knew if I gave ground on the lot, then I would be inviting the tom and his army to invade my property. So I’d done my best to sniff out his cadets so I could attack them, one by one. My plan worked well with the first two males, but the last must have gotten wise because he’d been the one to get the drop on me.

It was at this very site on a cloudy summer night when I’d fought the battle of my life. Him being a southern gentleman of sorts, I’d expected something dignified, like the humans with their dueling pistols. Instead, he’d come from above, his paws slapping me with a speed that could only be matched by my own like when I attacked my food bowl in the morning. 

He may have struck first, but I struck hardest. And now the lot was mine. Not that I needed dominion over this sad plot of land. I was just interested in what came next.

I could smell dead flesh hidden beneath the surface there. But it wouldn’t be hidden for long, not if these machines kept tearing into the ground. Soon, something sinister would be laid bare. The humans were set on building something here, on ground that had lain undeveloped for untold ages. Why they’d decided to park one of their stone boxes there now, I had no idea. But I was determined to find out. 

I wondered how the humans would react when they unearthed the lot’s hidden secrets. My confidence in their ability to solve mysteries was relatively low. Most of them seemed prone to make kneejerk decisions informed by personal opinion. Too often, they ignored their own senses, or they just couldn’t see the clues right in front of their faces.

It must be their inferior vision. Or hearing. Or sense of smell. Humans were pretty handicapped when it came to survival. I supposed it was a wonder they managed to walk around at all. 

Still, they weren’t without certain useful abilities. Like organization. They managed to get things done in a set number of hours without the need for frequent naps. And in the culinary arts, they were unparalleled. 

Cats tended to gulp down our prey when we’d finally tired of toying with it. No bother was paid to its temperature, seasonings, or if the meat had finished wriggling or not. But humans would spend hours—days even—perfecting every nuance of their meals. 

Now if only I could convince Jade to share more of those meals with me. So far, she’d proved immune to my tactics. Staring at her like a maniac and not blinking hadn’t budged her. Politely asking had also failed, as had taking swipes at her plate, which only ended up getting me banished from the table. 

Nevertheless, I planned to persevere. Someday, I would convince my roommate to treat me as the superior I was and offer me the finest cuts of meat and creams. Maybe if I helped her solve this next mystery, she would recognize the truth about me. Then again, she hadn’t figured it out last time. 

If cats could sigh, I would have. Instead, I hopped down off the backhoe and started making my way back home. As I walked, I pondered whether Jade would embroil herself in the latest crime investigation. 

Who was I kidding? Of course, she would. Humans couldn’t help themselves. Other peoples’ business just seemed to invite their noses. Speaking of noses, mine had caught an interesting scent, driving me into the bushes that lined the road. A hint of something sweet and floral but with undernotes of musk. 

I followed the aroma along the road until it led me down a stately driveway. Before me stood a large house built hundreds of years ago. The scent was coming from inside that house. I crept closer, jumped onto the top of a garbage can that sat against the back of the house, and peered into the window. 

The thin gauze curtains left me with only impressions. I could see bodies moving inside, more than I would have expected for such a settled neighborhood. Beulah might be a small suburb of a much larger city, but she rarely got new arrivals. Most folks were leaving the area for the big city, not the other way around.

And I definitely caught hints of the city here. From within the garbage can, I smelled faint traces of city life, car exhaust, rodent tracks, and takeout containers that did not have the local stink of Sparky’s all over them. 

A group of strangers had just descended on Beulah with no notice. The way gossip flew through this suburb, everyone should have been talking about them. No one was—yet. 

I sat there watching until I got bored. Then I went home with the ever-present humidity dogging my footsteps. I managed to squeeze through my hidey-hole and make my way indoors and into the kitchen.

Just as I suspected, my dish remained empty. 

Dawn was just beginning to streak the sky, but my belly was already protesting. I had expended a lot of effort tonight on my jaunt through town, and I was in need of precious calories to get me through the eleven-hour nap I had planned. 

Padding up the stairs, I headed straight for Jade’s room. I leapt onto the bed, then made sure to walk on the length of her entire body. I turned around, swished my tail in her face to wake her, and bopped her with my nose. 

“Chonks,” she protested. “It’s way too early for this nonsense.” 

Nonsense, woman! I projected with the scratch of my whiskers against her cheeks. I need sustenance!

“You’ll get your food when I get up. Now leave me alone.”

She thought a pillow to the body would deter me, but it only made me dig my claws into her pajamas—except the fabric was thin and maybe my claws passed right through them.

“Ouch, Chonks!” She sat up, fixing me with an angry look. “What’s your problem? You certainly aren’t starving. Just look at the gut on you.” 

I yowled back, letting her know I didn’t appreciate the fat shaming. I was a fearsome predator, and I didn’t deserve this kind of impudence. 

“Fine,” she said at last, throwing her hands into the air. “It’s not like you’re going to let me go back to sleep. But mark my words. Whenever I catch you napping from now on, it’s game on, mister!”

I followed her steps as she headed down to the kitchen, almost causing her to slip down the stairs but not on purpose. I was just that eager. 

The sound of the kibble hitting the food bowl was music to my ears. I set upon it immediately, not stopping to even take a breath before all of those sweet little nuggets were firmly lodged in my belly. 

Exhaustion hit me right away, and I headed for the sitting room and the square of sunlight I knew would be hitting the hardwood floor this time of the morning. Settling in, I closed my eyes and fell into sleep.

I was in the middle of a dream in which I’d discovered an unattended sandwich shop and was wreaking havoc behind the counter when a loud noise awoke me with a jolt.

“That’s right,” Jade shouted over the infernal racket of the monster machine she was pushing. “If you’re going to wake me up at the crack of dawn, I’m going to run the vacuum during your morning nap. Fair is fair.”

I shot her a murderous look, then stumbled off to find another place to curl up. Infernal woman! I considered placing an ad on the local bulletin board requesting a new roommate. Must respect the sanctity of naps. Must not own a vacuum cleaner. 

Then again, who was I kidding? Jade wasn’t that bad, and she did know how to scratch me just right. 

Besides, cats don’t have thumbs. How was I to write an ad?