Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never needed glasses.  He just drank from the bottle.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

My uncle works in a watch factory. He just stands about all day and makes faces. 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked ...