Phil Granson of the Oregonian hands Carl a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

Phil: “Carl, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I wondered if you could take some time out of your busy day to answer a few questions?”

Carl: “I’d be happy to. Which organization are you from? No offense, but things have been busy lately.”

Phil: “I’m with the Oregonian online edition for business matters. I can’t promise when it will be published, but I can usually have something up within two weeks. I’ll let you know before it is published.”

Carl: (nods) “That’s fine.”

Phil: “Excellent, let’s get started. I understand that you were a security guard not too long ago, is that correct?”

Carl: “Yes, I was. I worked nights and filled in when the day shift was out sick. It paid the bills and was good, solid work, which is what I needed at the time.”

Phil: “But you’re not doing that any longer, are you?”

Carl: (sips on his coffee) “No, not anymore. I had an accident late one night, and the company…” (shakes his head) “Well, let’s say they were more concerned with the financial impact of what happened than they were about me as an individual. I say this not to single out my former employer. It seems all companies work on this basis now.”

Phil: “Would you care to expand? We’ve discovered as part of our preparation for this meeting that the creature that attacked you was a species native to Earth.”

Carl: (raises an eyebrow as he sips on his coffee) “I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage as I barely remember that night after tasing myself. Can we move to the next question?”

Phil: (gives him an odd look) “Of course. Shortly after that event, you came into quite a bit of wealth. What do you attribute to your financial turnaround from a security guard working nights to becoming a multimillionaire just a few short weeks later? I should add that more than a few people have had difficulty believing you came by your newfound wealth honestly.”

Carl: (obviously uncomfortable as he shifts in his seat) “Let me state clearly and unequivocally that everything I’ve earned in my life has been earned honestly. I pay my taxes every year and I pride myself on being honest in all aspects of my life.” (Sighs as he shakes his head) “And if these are the kinds of questions you’re planning to ask, I suggest we stop the interview now. I have better things to do with my time than to have you impugning my integrity.

Phil: (holding hands up) “I apologize. The questions were set in advance and while I can modify them as needed, I meant no disrespect.”

Carl: “Fine. I don’t suppose you have any cookies or a ham sandwich you could bring out. I’m missing lunch to have this interview.”

Phil: (waves to his assistant to have food brought in). “Moving on. Can you tell our readers about the gold mines you’ve acquired outside of Medford? Our research revealed that you purchased a over twenty acres of mineral rights in that area. I’m not an expert on mining, but the professor of geology I spoke to as the Southern Oregon University claimed that such purchases were rarely done without a clear goal in mind.”

Carl: (munching on a cookie the assistant pulled out of her purse after thanking her and shaking her hand) “It’s an investment like any other. It may pay off, or it might not. We’re hopeful, but that’s as far as I’d take it.”

Phil: “My understanding is that you’ve already struck gold?”

Carl: “Finding gold is only one step in the process, and it doesn’t mean you’re making money. You need to find it in sufficient volume to offset your costs, employee salaries and the like before you make money. Equipment is not cheap, and the industry isn’t the most reputable meaning you have to be careful who you work with.”

Phil: “I see. And what can you tell me about Reeves and Reeves, the company you hired to mine for gold? They’re in legal trouble and have filed for bankruptcy, but we’ve had difficulty discovering the reason.”

Carl: (standing up to take a sandwich from the platter Phil’s assistant brought in) “Thank you for the food. This should stop my stomach from growling.” (Takes a bite). “I’m sorry, but I’m not at liberty to discuss any ongoing legal actions.”

Phil: (gives him a long look) “Understood. According to the Medford Mail Tribune, you’re a local hero down in southern Oregon. You single handedly solved Paddy Byrne’s murder, and you bought The Rustler’s Brand and restored it to its former glory. Any comments?

Carl: (shrugs as he takes another bite) “No comment.”

Phil: (putting a little heat in his words) “You have no comment?”

Carl: “I didn’t hear a question, so I’m not sure what you’re expecting from me.”

Phil: “Oh. I guess my question would be, why did you choose the Rustler’s Brand as an investment? And do you have anything to say about Paddy Byrne’s murder?”

Carl: “I have nothing to say about Paddy other than he will be missed by all who knew him. As for the bar, it was an opportunity to give back to the people of Medford. We’ve restored the bar to what Paddy wanted it to be and hired back the original manager who made it special. I’m proud of what we’ve done, and I hope it becomes a place to bring people together.”

Phil: “Let’s talk about your other businesses. Most businessmen pick a single industry and focus on it exclusively, but you haven’t taken that approach, have you?”

Carl: (finishing his sandwich) “No, I haven’t. My focus is on people, and I prefer to find the right people to invest in instead of focusing exclusively on the business. You can find a great business, but if you have the wrong people working there you have a problem on your hands. That’s why I prefer to do it the other way around.”

Phil: “How does that work in practice?”

Carl: “Well, let’s take my investment in FastCycle. When I found it, the company was losing clients and having trouble keeping up on their administration and paperwork. I bought in because the owner was someone I wanted to work with, not because I necessarily wanted to own a courier service.”

Phil: “Except you now retain 90% ownership while the original owner only retains 10%. Isn’t that correct?”

Carl: “If we hadn’t taken action, the original owner would have lost everything. Now that things are straightened out the company is prospering, and I think it’s fair to say that 10% ownership now is worth more than 100% was before we joined up.”

Phil: “But you’ve moved beyond FastCycle now, haven’t you?”

Carl: “Not necessarily. Yes, I’ve invested in different businesses, but my approach hasn’t changed. I prefer to work with smart, knowledgeable people who understand their business. It makes me look smarter than I am, and it gives them capital to improve their business.”

Phil: “Can you tell us your net worth?”

Carl: (chuckling) “I could, but I’m not going to.”

Phil: (looking at his assistant) “Moving on. You were airlifted to the Portland General after an accident at the local UFO conference in Ocean Shores. Can you tell us what happened there and why you’re healthy now when you should still be in rehabilitation?”

Carl: (setting his coffee cup down and folding his hands in front of him) “My understanding was that this interview would be about my businesses, and only my businesses.”

Phil: “That’s true, but people also want to know about the man behind the business.” (Receiving a sign from his assistant) “Do you or do you not attend UFO conferences?”

Carl: “I’ve attended UFO conferences for the best part of the last decade, which predates my successful business ventures. Which again forces me to ask why this is at all relevant to your story?”

Phil: (phone buzzes. He pulls it out and reads the message before putting it away) “Thank you. We’ve heard a rumor that you’re interested in purchasing Vancouver Life Insurance company. That’s quite a step up from FastCycle and your other businesses.”

Carl: (stiff posture relaxing) “I won’t confirm or deny rumors, because that’s all they are. I will say that Vancouver Life is a company that deserves to be turned around to profitability. I’ve met some of their employees, who unfortunately are no longer with the company now, and they were one and all amazing people. Any company would be proud to have them as employees.

Phil: “Are you serious about purchasing Vancouver Life? And if so, what changes would you make?”

Carl: (shakes his head) “I’m not in a position to answer either of those questions right now. The company is going through some hard times, and no matter who is in charge I’d like to see the company succeed. As for changes, I don’t know about the company, so I hesitate to say anything that might get me in trouble.”

Phil: “I see. How about your love life? Do you have a special woman to keep you grounded?”

Carl: (shaking his head) “We discussed this earlier. Either you keep the focus on business or the interview is over.”

Phil: (smirking as he points to his assistant) “We actually have some photos of Mr. Thompson and a local nurse who works at Portland General. Could you pull those up on my laptop?”

Carl: (standing up and removing the microphone from his shirt, then leaning closer to Phil) “I suppose I need to inform my advertising agency to pull all advertising from the Oregonian going forward. After all, there’s now cable, YouTube, online ads and so many other places to spend our ad dollars.”

From offset: “Phil, get the hell out of here before I fire you.”

(Phil gets up and storms off, knocking a coffee cup over that stains the carpet)

(A senior manager from the Oregonian steps forward) “Mr. Thompson, I’m sorry about that. We were aware that you wanted to focus on your business ventures, and Phil got off target. Let me apologize for that, and state that we absolutely don’t want to lose your firm’s advertising with the Oregonian. What can I do to make it right?”

Carl: “It’s fine. And don’t worry about the advertising. I might threaten such things with men like Phil, but I leave the details to the agency. They do better when I’m not involved.”

The two men get up and shake hands, promising to meet again under better circumstances.