When I was in elementary school, on the occasional Saturday after chores, we’d  get lucky enough to go to the roller rink. It was called Nappi’s and was a completely magical place! They played the Top 40 and I could skate for hours. I felt free. I wasn’t that great at stopping though and fell down a lot (which unfortunately hasn’t changed much!) Sometimes, they would host the limbo, which is hard enough regularly, but even more challenging on skates. I was small and spry, so I could usually hang on until the end. There would be a long line of skaters speeding by, with Chubby Checker’s ‘Limbo Rock’ blaring over the speakers. It didn’t matter if you won or got out, it was all in good fun.

This past Summer, at the end of June, I put together my book packet with cover letter, story manuscript and some illustrations. It arrived to the publishing house in New York on July 2nd. I felt nervous, yet confident. The guidelines on their website stated it would take several months to be reviewed. I had thought I had done enough research to know what to expect. I meticulously searched companies that would still accept unsolicited manuscripts, which means a writer who doesn’t have an agent to represent them yet. There’s not many remaining, but I was still hopeful. Most places aren’t keen on multiple submissions to publishers, so I looked until I found one that seemed to be a perfect fit.

I hunted to find the name of the Children’s Book Editor. It wasn’t easy. I filtered through several. One had been promoted. Another had moved on and then I found the current one. I doubled checked social media sites to make sure. It wouldn’t do to just half-ass it, they want to know that effort was put in. An interview article stated that she was interested in stories about strong female characters. It felt serendipitous. I was going to pull this thing off for sure! Every day, convinced that this would the day that my notification post card will come.

By October, I called and left a voicemail with no response.

Here I am, starting out my fifth month, in limbo. This time, it’s the kind that is slow and agonizing. Participating isn’t just for fun and winning means everything. Books, blogs, online sites all told of the suffering of the wait, that perseverance was key. Waiting, as it turns out, makes me feel crazy. It’s intense.

All stories mailed in, to any publishing house, anywhere, go in a place that is referred to as ‘the slush pile’. Interns (not editors directly) work on slogging through it every day. I don’t know if my potential book is pending final approval or was denied or is still waiting to even be opened. Feeling down, I messaged an author I had met at an event at the Main Library in downtown Columbus. He seemed so successful, what was his secret? Turns out, a lot of the books that he’s written and illustrated have never been accepted to experience the light of day. I was undoubtedly appalled. His advice to me: Keep going, keep writing, keep creating.

Images & illustration copyright of Erin Alon Brain

So I set out to learn more, only to realize how little I knew. For example, it doesn’t matter how great a story is written, only if they feel like it is relevant and will sell. Obviously, they are the ones putting their money upfront, so it makes sense, but it is not comforting. I may also never get a response and at some point, I have to move on. I read that Macmillan alone, receives over 1000 manuscripts a month. A MONTH. So that puts the no-response thing into perspective, sort of.

I want so badly to make a living off of things that I’m good at. It pains me to have skills and talents that go unutilized. Instead, I assist Joel on his rehab projects for Steadfast, while simultaneously dreaming of doing book readings at children’s schools and libraries. I have taken Jacob’s advice and kept going. I have written a second story and am currently working on the illustrations and title, trying to find the right publisher. Wondering all the while, if I will be the person that gets their big break on the first book or the tenth. Until then, I’m in limbo.