[2021 ] Can you tell if you are in narcissistic relationship?
Look, I’m going to be real with you here.
It may sound harsh but… safe yourself the headache. And the heartache.
It’s going to be tempting to try - and yes, you’ll think that you’re “different” and that you can change them - but….. It usually doesn’t work like that.
During the underlying phases of the relationship the narcissist will love you, putting the world at your feet. They will call and text you regularly, sharing transparently the amount they respect you, how stricken they are by you, how crucial and extraordinary you are to them. They will compliment you and need to associate with you consistently. This strategy is classified "lovebombing" and its point is to suck you into a hazardous condition of passionate reliance on their consistent acclaim, consideration and approval.
Furthermore, when they are certain that you have effectively fallen completely devoted to them, damnation will break lose. For you. You will feel horrendous without having the option to very clarify why, you will feel regretful, off-base, self centered and so forth. Furthermore, you will battle for a greater amount of the old scrumptious commendation and care they used to give you. You will end up saying 'sorry' for what you have done and what you are. You will be fixated on the memory of how extraordinary things used to be among you and you will be prepared to do nearly anything to get back there.
You can’t help narcissists simply because most of them don’t want to change. They don’t think there’s anything wrong with them in the first place and they don't think it affects their mental health.
What you ought to understand is that narcissism isn't merely a minor lack of empathy that can be excused by a desire for achievement. The reality is that narcissism is a major personality trait that can have a negative impact on any relationship.
1. Downgrading After Worship
After the glorification stage is finished – which for the most part happens suddenly, with no signs – you will be pushed off your platform. The narcissist will out of the blue (and mysteriously) become cold and removed. It is then that they will begin reprimanding you. They will contrast you with others – consistently to your inconvenience.
At the point when you attempt to converse with them they will give you the quiet treatment and ensure you realize how seriously disillusioned they are with you. You will at that point come to trust you are to blame and you will make endeavors to merit their previous pleasantness again – to push the relationship back to the special night stage.
Your longing to win them back will prompt the narcissist calling you penniless, desirous and choking. Sporadically, the narcissist will wash you in the caring conduct they exhibited in the start of the relationship. And afterward they will return to delaying, lack of engagement and irregularity. Causing you to feel altogether insignificant after you "meant everything to them".
2.Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative technique employed by the narcissist to make you lose track of how they are causing you pain. Basically, every time you rebel against their accusations, they will make you feel even more inadequate – for bringing up the subject, being crazy, stressing them out, generally pushing them away, and provoking their anger.
The narcissist will convince you that is not them, it’s you. They will explain to you how emotionally unstable you are, how your issues are being projected onto them. The regular phrases they will use are:
“I never knew you were that sensitive”
“I never said that”
“You make it sound like it’s my fault”
“You always take things so personally”
“I can’t take this anymore”
Gaslighting makes you believe you are the one that endangers the relationship with your claims, questions, and neediness. You will somehow always seem to be the one that has to behave better and understand them more. So, even when the relationship becomes really toxic, you will try to stay and fix it – because you will think it’s your responsibility to make amends for your “wrongdoings”.
You realize the amount it harms when someone says another person is such a ton better than you in various stuff. Indeed, that is what is the issue here – causing an individual to accept they're less important or achieved, or appealing than another person.
The individual who the narcissist will contrast you with can be anyone – a companion, a shared colleague, a parent, an escort, even a total outsider. By and by, regularly they will contrast you with somebody of your own sexual orientation ensuring you feel embarrassment and trouble as well as desire.
For the narcissist it is vital to keep you re-thinking their fondness for you. This is on the grounds that their control works best when they cause you to rival an outsider for their consideration and endorsement. You will feel unreliable and lacking, apprehensive that they're losing revenue in you, and you will urgently attempt to adhere to your most desirable characteristics request to tempt the narcissist back into adoring you (and just you!) more.
How to save yourself?
Straightforward yet excruciating. Leave.
You won't ever have the option to beat the narcissist unexpectedly as you stay in the relationship sitting tight for them to change their conduct. Their savagery will in the end transform into delicacy and care. You can't and won't adore them enough to fix them or fix them. They won't return the affection eventually. As agonizing as that may sound, it is your lone pass to a genuinely solid life. Leave the relationship and don't think back in any event, when they attempt to win you back with tears, guarantees, lament, re-touched off energy or whatever manipulative stunt they may make appear out of nowhere.
So, what is narcissism? Here are some narcissistic traits of a narcissist.
They think they’re much better than others. They feel entitled to things. They expect you to always conform to their wishes and desires.
And if you don’t, they’re not afraid to manipulate you into feeling and doing EXACTLY what they want from you.
You know, narcissists are so. much. more. than people obsessed with themselves.
It’s so hard to define them actually.
First of all, they’re NOT madly in love with themselves. They don’t spend days in front of the mirror. They don’t want to be the center of attention because they enjoy it.
Actually, all of that behavior is just a mask to hide on what’s really going on the inside.
The reason why they appear so full of themselves is because they are, in fact, VERY much empty.
Not empty of emotion – empty of self-love and self-worth.
The truth is, they DO have emotions and emotional needs that need to be met (just like regular people) but they don’t have the skills – or the emotional maturity – to communicate what they expect from the other person.
Because after all, having our emotional needs met and meeting the emotional needs of another person is what emotional maturity is all about – that’s how you make friends!
Building relationships with narcissists is impossible. Narcissistic tendencies, since they lack empathy, they can’t form a real emotional connection to any other person…. Let alone offer something in return. (they can manipulate you into thinking they do, though). Their narcisistic tendercies is to avoid therapy.
What they feel strongly about is primal emotions – think fear and anger the most.
That’s why they’re known to behave so… so off-putting and aggressive.
They’re scared.
Deep down, most narcissists are drowning in their own insecurities, hence the need to put on a show for the rest of the world. They have a massive void and try to compensate for that void by CONSTANTLY asking for the admiration and attention of others.
I could go on and on talking about this.
What I’ve said so far is what I’ve noticed from my experience – the truth is, there can always be some differences from one narcissist to another. No two narcissists are the same!
Another thing to point out is that we can all sometimes be a bit narcissistic but that doesn’t mean we have a narcissistic personality disorder.
That’s why I think it’d be helpful if I gave you some pointers on how to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist and what can you do to keep your sanity!
How to tell if someone’s a narcissist
Narcissists are everywhere around us but it’s often very hard to spot a narcissist when you first meet them.
The reason is, they can appear as a crowd’s favorite. They can be extremely charismatic and charming and people-pleasing, just to get you to like them.
Also, they may seem easy-going at first but once you meet them…. You’ll realize they are anything but!
Just to be sure, I looked this up and here are the MAJOR red flags to tell if someone’s a narcissist. If someone has one or two of these, it’s fine – but if someone you know has MOST of the signs on the list, you better watch out!
· They talk a LOT – and you don’t get to say anything!
Building relationships with someone requires conversations. And conversations are done by TWO people taking turns talking!
Narcissists love doing a lot of talking but prefer to do ZERO listening, just because they pretty much don’t care about what you have to say. Even if you do get a chance to talk, the conversation will redirect back to them in NO TIME.
If you’re talking with a narcissist, expect to be interrupted at least a dozen times and leave that conversation feeling emotionally drained!
Observe – how do you feel when interacting with someone? If they don’t make you feel good during a simple conversation, how do you expect them to be a good friend or partner?
· They don’t care about you
Narcissists can’t identify with other people because they lack both empathy and compassion.
I’ve once read a report from a therapist specializing in treating patients with NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) who claims that one-third of her patients can develop SOME empathy very slowly, under the condition that they put in the hard work…
I will NEVER again be in a relationship with a person who can’t relate to me and what I’m going through because that person will make you feel miserable at times you need them the most.
· They try very hard to impress you
Narcissists excel at bragging.
Trust me, the less reasons they have to brag about, the MORE they’ll keep on bragging. That’s how they compensate for the lack of self-confidence – that’s how they do an ego boost!
Most of that is fluff.
· They ask for special treatment
Hey, so I know we can all be special snowflakes for some things… like, we all enjoy getting special treatment but narcissists are next level.
They don’t only ask for special treatment – they DEMAND for constant, never-ending streams of attention and flattery and are known to get seriously upset if they’re not treated like royalty 24/7.
To see if your new friend or partner is guilty of this, just observe how they treat others around them. Do they get impatient or downright evil if they don’t get the special treatment they think they deserve?
If the answer’s yes, then that may be a HUGE red flag!
· They are quick to snap if things don’t go the way they want
Narcissists are known to be unable to handle rejection or failure or anything that indicates things aren’t going the way they want or expect.
It’s like watching a grown up toddler throw a tantrum for a menial reason.
On top of that, even if you suggest ways of handling the disappointment, they never ever want to take responsibility for their own life… and would rather point fingers to others..
Life doesn’t always turn the way we want and being able to cope with that fact is one of the keys to being happy, content and at peace with yourself.
Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist? Be in a relationship with a narcissist? Have someone in your family that’s a narcissist?
I’d love to hear your stories and your experience, please tag on me Instagram @bernadetteballa
Resources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201812/how-spot-narcissist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201411/are-you-narcissist-infographic
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/201910/is-narcissism-treatable
