“Smell that?”

Yeah.

“Know what that is?”

Fish.

“It’s freedom.”

No it’s fish.

“It’s freedom and it’s money.”

Okay, okay. It’s freedom.

“Come on, let’s go before someone sees us.”

…And it’s fish.

Harry was right.

It’s freedom.

Mum would always tell me, “PUT YOUR SHOES ON!”

I’d bring back dirty feet.

I’d bring back dirty socks.

It’s weird how people wear shoes everywhere.

According to shoe-sters,

Shoes:

Protect your feet from stepping on legosSupport your feetKeep your feet warmMake you look good

Let’s methodically disect and destroy each apparent benefit without referencing “THE SCIENCE!”.

“Protect your feet from stepping on legos.”

Nah.

Your feet are shoes.

You just haven’t stepped on enough legos to give them a chance to grow.

Your feet grow calluses.

They’re typically seen as a bad thing but it’s millions of years of intelligent evolution that’s designed it.

David Choe on The Joe Rogan experience describes his visit with the Hanza tribe and how they run through nature, stepping on a liquorice-all-sorts of ‘legos’ without batting an eye.

“Support your feet.”

Debateable.

“Keep your feet warm.”

Pshhh.

These days we live under the heaters in winter.

There’s nothing new about cold adaption.

Spend more time in the cold and you’ll barely feel the cold.

I frequently get comments from elderly ladies about my feet when I’m walking in the evening.

“ArEn’T YoU CoLd!?”

To be fair, the elderly naturally get colder, but can aclimatize if they want to.

“The cold is my teacher.” -Wim Hof

“Make you look good.”

Yes!

Lookin’ good my man.

Let’s finish on the actual utility of shoes.

Vermin Supreme, take us away!

Vermin Supreme demonstrates the proper utility of shoes. The shoe depicted is called a ‘gum boot’ which is commonly used by shoe-sters for fending off H20 from making contact with skin on the foot.