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Wise Marriage Excerpt
Couples therapy is often prompted by a rupture, or ruptures, in connectedness, a breach in the relationship. Anything from a slow drift into parallel lives to active hostilities during heated arguments. These ruptures, whatever their nature, manifest wounds in the hearts of the couples. Couples typically come to therapy seeking tools for mending the ruptures and healing for their precious relationships.

Whatever the degree of severity of the ruptures, couples in crisis and conflict can change their relational patterns when they have the willingness to be vulnerable, which requires courage, and when they have the right framework and tools to mend the ruptures.

Our work with what we are affectionately calling the wise marriage framework guides couples into learning about the importance of mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and relational intelligence. The wise marriage approach emerges from a confluence of interpersonal neurobiology, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Gottman-informed marital therapy. This approach isn’t evidence-based by way of formal double-blind controlled and replicated studies, rather it is based on our anecdotal, in-the-trenches practice and encounters with distressed couples and the judicious and discerning research-informed reflection on sound interventions and what works.