Are you Trapped Inside a Cozy Mystery? Here are 5 Tips for Survival.
Readers and friends,
Anything can happen during this spooky time of year. That's why I want to talk to you about an unlikely but dangerous scenario. That's right! I'm talking about that chilling moment when you ask yourself:
Am I trapped inside a Cozy Mystery? 😋
First, Know the Warning Signs
Are you experiencing any of the following?
1. You've been thrown together with a group of quirky strangers who share only a tenuous connection to one another.
2. You're on a train or boat, in a mansion, attending a dinner party or a funeral, or visiting an adorable small town with a delightful cupcake shop.
3. There have been a spate of murders in recent years, but no one seems too concerned.
4. You encounter any of the following: butlers, rich people, philanderers, grandmothers dispensing life lessons, cats or dogs behaving like people, love triangles, or sharp-witted, middle-aged women dating sexy FBI agents or police officers.
5. You find yourself unable to say swear words. You try to squeeze one out, but everyone around you gives you the stink eye and the sounds won't come.
And most obviously:
A bystander with no formal authority is asking persistent questions about a crime and no one bats an eye. 😂
One warning sign alone isn't too concerning. But when you've got three or more? Oh yeah, you might be trapped in a cozy mystery. Beware!
Next, Protect Yourself
In the unlikely event you find yourself in a cozy mystery, don't panic! There are things you can do to minimize your chances of imminent demise:
1. Be your best self. Cozy mystery authors feel bad about killing off sweet, good-hearted people so this is a good moment be a model citizen.
2. Stick close to a protected person. Children, pets, and pregnant women won't get offed in a cozy mystery. If you know a charming mother of three, move in with her and ask to sleep in the extra bunk in the cutest child's room. You know, just while your apartment is being fumigated.
3. Become the sleuth's best friend. Now, this is risky, because murdered people tend to be in the sleuth's orbit. But if you can be their bestie, for real, you're unlikely to die.
4. Don't theorize about the crime! Don't discuss facts about people in town. One minute you're mouthing off about who was sleeping with who and the next minute you're victim number two because you accidentally revealed a clue about the murderer and you gotta go.
5. If the above steps aren't possible, leave town. Cozy mysteries tend to be geographically contained, so removing yourself from the area may help. Note: avoid traveling to places where relevant backstory might have occurred.
Whew! Now that you know the signs, you're ready to handle yourself should you be at your local coffee counter when a sleuth walks in talking about how poor Mr. Johnson was found strangled with his shoelaces at the movie theater.
Stay observant, friends.
Stay observant, and above all, stay alive!
This post was originally part of my reader newsletter. To get more like this, click here to sign up.
Anything can happen during this spooky time of year. That's why I want to talk to you about an unlikely but dangerous scenario. That's right! I'm talking about that chilling moment when you ask yourself:
Am I trapped inside a Cozy Mystery? 😋
First, Know the Warning Signs
Are you experiencing any of the following?
1. You've been thrown together with a group of quirky strangers who share only a tenuous connection to one another.
2. You're on a train or boat, in a mansion, attending a dinner party or a funeral, or visiting an adorable small town with a delightful cupcake shop.
3. There have been a spate of murders in recent years, but no one seems too concerned.
4. You encounter any of the following: butlers, rich people, philanderers, grandmothers dispensing life lessons, cats or dogs behaving like people, love triangles, or sharp-witted, middle-aged women dating sexy FBI agents or police officers.
5. You find yourself unable to say swear words. You try to squeeze one out, but everyone around you gives you the stink eye and the sounds won't come.
And most obviously:
A bystander with no formal authority is asking persistent questions about a crime and no one bats an eye. 😂
One warning sign alone isn't too concerning. But when you've got three or more? Oh yeah, you might be trapped in a cozy mystery. Beware!
Next, Protect Yourself
In the unlikely event you find yourself in a cozy mystery, don't panic! There are things you can do to minimize your chances of imminent demise:
1. Be your best self. Cozy mystery authors feel bad about killing off sweet, good-hearted people so this is a good moment be a model citizen.
2. Stick close to a protected person. Children, pets, and pregnant women won't get offed in a cozy mystery. If you know a charming mother of three, move in with her and ask to sleep in the extra bunk in the cutest child's room. You know, just while your apartment is being fumigated.
3. Become the sleuth's best friend. Now, this is risky, because murdered people tend to be in the sleuth's orbit. But if you can be their bestie, for real, you're unlikely to die.
4. Don't theorize about the crime! Don't discuss facts about people in town. One minute you're mouthing off about who was sleeping with who and the next minute you're victim number two because you accidentally revealed a clue about the murderer and you gotta go.
5. If the above steps aren't possible, leave town. Cozy mysteries tend to be geographically contained, so removing yourself from the area may help. Note: avoid traveling to places where relevant backstory might have occurred.
Whew! Now that you know the signs, you're ready to handle yourself should you be at your local coffee counter when a sleuth walks in talking about how poor Mr. Johnson was found strangled with his shoelaces at the movie theater.
Stay observant, friends.
Stay observant, and above all, stay alive!
This post was originally part of my reader newsletter. To get more like this, click here to sign up.
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