Here you are in 2020, exactly where you thought you’d be…right?

Well, no.

Unless you’re an essential worker, like the many bravemedical staff, truck drivers, grocery workers etc., you are in your home.

Maybe you’re alone, or maybe you’re in a house with a lotof people and pets. Your natural daily routines and rhythms are gone. Kids aren’tin school, you’re not at work, you can’t go to the beach or the gym…

The result?

Tempers flare, little habits that used to be endearing nowgrate on your every nerve, you’re not sure what to do with all that pent-upenergy…

And communication breaks down.

Here are a few tips to assist you with one of the mostimportant skills to have.

The lockdown has probablychanged your viewpoint toward your spouse, partner, kids or anyone else you’recommunicating with right now. It can be really tempting to scream:

“You’redriving me crazy!”  

“You’renot picking up after yourself!”

“You’re not helping me figureout how to survive on reduced income!”

Theproblem with beginning a sentence with YOU, is it makes the otherperson feel defensive.  

Beforeyou speak, take a moment and a deep breath. Then reframe what you have into adifferent statement that begins with I.

Examples:

“Ifeel anxious because we are trapped in this house.”

“I feel upset right now becausethere are dishes in the bedroom.”

     “I feel scared because I don’t know how we are going to pay our bills.”

2. Schedule Time to Talk About Problems and Feelings

If you or anyone else is angry/upset aboutsomething, it’s best to wait

until you’ve cooled downbefore talking. Once you’ve waited and have your feelings under control, say “Ihave something I need to discuss with you. When would be a good time for you?” Ifthey’re also upset, say “I think it would be good if we could talk later whenwe both feel calmer. Please let me know when that would be.”

         It’s best to speak about things away from other people, sotry to have conversations in a space where you can be alone with each other. Besure to listen and not interrupt. Respond with I statements about yourfeelings.

         If you have a lot of people living together, schedule a convenient time to unplug from electronics and talk about how everyone is doing. Make it a place where people listen without judgment.

3.  Be Clear about Your Needs

Maybeyou need time alone and now everyone is crammed in the

same space. Maybe you’re aloneand obsessively reading the news about the corona virus. Maybe your anxiety hasgone through the roof.  

         This is a time where everyone is navigating their waythrough the “new normal.”  It’s a time tosay what you mean, and mean what you say.

If you’re alone, find a way toreach out to someone even if it’s an online chat group. If you’re scared, that’sokay. We all are.

         Don’t bottle up your feelings. If you’re feeling extremeanxiety or feelings of self-harm, reach out to a hotline.

         Remember, we’re all in this together. Be good to each other.

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