The year is now 2022. To mark the occasion here are some things I’ve learned over the last fifty years. On Self-Care:

If you smoke, do it unabashedly. Smoking is not nice. It’s right.The best way to diet is to attach motivation to it. For example, lose weight to catch a lover. But don’t just have one motivation. Find at least two, that way if the first fails you have a backup. Diet to catch a lover and to be healthy enough to find another one if you end up hating him.If you have puffy eyes, try the frozen spoon. If that fails, eat ice cream (see advice on dieting).Don’t fuck up your teeth. Fucked up teeth fuck up your body and your chance for love (consult advice on love).If you don’t like how you look in the mirror change something. Propecia works. Try creams and gels. If you’re still not happy change the mirror. Maybe you just need a dose of acceptance. On Relationships: Love is never enough to maintain a relationship. Love also requires you to be fierce. If you’re not fierce, you’re not in love.When your marriage is no longer working, get a divorce. If you have kids, don’t hang that albatross of a relationship on them. They will learn more about life by seeing you live your authentic self than watching you live the hologram your partner expects you to be.Demand blind loyalty from your family and closest friends. If they can’t give you that steer clear. On Being A Person: Pay attention to how you feel when you’re alone with yourself. If you’re uncomfortable with you chances are people pick up on that. Do everyone a favor and get professional help.Recognize when you’ve run out of fucks to give. Then cut loose whatever is demanding those fucks. For fuck’s sake smile at everyone you see. They need it as much as you do.On Creativity: Most people are creative. So tap into that. If you lack that drive, surround yourself with creative people who are smarter than you.If you aren’t creative and really suck at trying to be, own that. Then learn to appreciate art, literature, Music, and film. Spare the rest of us from your over-inflated ego.

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