You would think that the news might report on the lives of people around the world but my beef with the BBC is the endless loop of what is essentially celebrity gossip. I am not going to chime in with my views on Boris and his parties, let alone Prince Andrew and his, and as for Djokovic’s vaccination status I am glad that, for now at least, his fifteen minutes of infamy has stopped looping on the so-called News Channel. It would be handy, although frightening, to learn a bit more about what Putin thinks he is playing at but as there is little I can do about it, other than pray he doesn’t nuke the neighbouring village I prefer to dwell on another curmudgeonly musing and it has to do with feet.

Feet? Yes, FEET! Not in a fetishistic sense, but in that pinch toed, blistery, heel aching sense we all know. (Or at least, those of us blessed with the larger sort). Now I find myself wondering why some of us have pretty little dancer’s toes while others have veritable PADDLES. I have big feet, not in the Ian Thorpe category. Thorpe was the only swimmer to win six gold medals in one World Championships and held a total of 11 world titles. If I remember rightly, he had size 17 feet. How on EARTH did he get socks to fit? Did his mum handknit them I wonder? My feet come in at a modest size 8. They are quite paddle like though and I have a high arch. This makes it impossible to find ladies’ socks to fit. A shame because ladies’ socks have lovely patterns and colours, but as I am diabetic I have to allow my toes to breathe and 4-7 does not achieve the necessary roominess.

To be honest, I have always had a problem with nylon hosiery. Big broad feet have to steal room from somewhere – and usually this is from the knicker area. When the waistband is five inches down your thigh and you have to tug and tug for ten minutes something has to give. Usually the gusset splits or the toe ruptures, given rise to a full length ladder. This is why, when forced to wear a dress for formal occasions, I choose long length so I can leave off the pantyhose and wear ankle boots and socks. So why the curmudgeonly musing?

The horrible truth is that now men’s socks are downsizing too. I bought some military style socks, size 9-12, which were both warm and comfortable for my poor old tootsies. They were so nice that I in fact bought more, only to find them significantly tighter. It appears the sizing is now 6-12. A size range that large is just unrealistic. Two washes and they were tight, so into the Salvation Army bin they went. The best of it was finding some thermal work socks, size 11-14, I now have toffee apple toes and eagerly await shrinkage to fit. Knowing my luck, they will be the first pair in years not to.

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