Back in the days when I was a single mum and so skint that most days were spent trying to balance bills, food and living, I mastered the art of understanding the various levels of fuel gauge ‘empty’ in the old banger of a car I was barely managing to keep running. There were several degrees of empty as far as both I and my purse were concerned; ‘just coming up to empty’, ‘touching empty’, ‘beyond the empty sign but a couple of miles in her yet’ and the precarious but on occasion needed ‘running on fumes but pretty sure we’ll get home’. I had all those levels and what they stood for down to a whole new level of understanding and knowledge. Living in a place of lack was just how life was. I knew no better but knew I was bloody good at surviving. That meant not quite drowning but treading water like crazy. It was exhausting. I thought that was just how life was for me, I could see no further than getting to the end of the day. If I did try and see a future, it was so terrifying that I lost focus and would feel like I wasn’t even going to manage treading water, that I would sink and be unable to breathe, with no lifeboat in sight.

Today, 20 years later, I was casually mentioning to my (new) husband about filling up the car as it was only half full. These days I won’t even accept half full when it comes to options on my fuel tank and am finally able to just fill the car up without scrabbling around to find pennies under the sofa. Today I actually have options! Having my petrol tank full feels that I could go anywhere I wanted if I so choose. My petrol gauge has become a metaphor for my life. I now feel I could go anywhere in life now, any destination I choose as I have the means and self-belief to feel good about my future, a future I am excited about rather than scared shitless about, and I now make myself and my needs a priority, to have what I need to go wherever my future takes me. 20 years ago, I simply didn’t have what I needed mentally to have a full personal tank. I would fill my car and myself with just enough for essential journeys and surviving to the end of the day. I couldn’t see any further than that, it was too scary to even try. That was survival thinking. Now, I choose to thrive rather than survive. It took so many years to learn what I needed to learn, to grow and to build my self-belief, but I did get there!

How many of you are living life with a gauge balancing between varying degrees of empty? Surviving from day to day as it is all you know and thinking about any future or the possibility of anything different scares you shitless, so you stay in the crappy job that drains your very soul. You stay in the toxic relationship because better the devil you know, and you have no idea how to survive alone. You stay in your pain because it is a pain you have learned to live with, like that empty gauge, and to try and think of life any other way is simple too much to cope with.

It doesn’t have to be this way. I am proud of you for surviving, it shows you are stronger than you think. But it is possible to get to a place where you thrive, not survive. Sure, it’s scary as you take the first steps, but not as scary as the thought you may stay where you are now forever! By believing it IS possible to move onwards and upwards you take the first step. Even if you have no idea how right now, trust me when I tell you that you can do it, you simply need to be shown how. Once you can see the steps needed you can put the work in that is needed to step up and out of survival mode and get heading towards thriving and living life with a permanently full petrol tank! One step at a time is all it takes, I believe in you, time you started too. And what is the first step? Possibly my book, The Fairy Godmother Mindf*ck: How to Rewrite Your Life Story, Create Your Own Destiny and Happy Ever After, but it’s okay if your first step is another book or person, it is taking the first step that is the most important thing you could do for yourself right now. Future you will love you for it!