Missing the old us

I understand that the years of being together might sound like everything’s predictable and nothing seemed new anymore. We’ve memorized each other so much we stopped winning each other’s hearts. Although you told me I was your better half, these past few months felt like I was just another ordinary person in your life that wouldn’t make a huge difference if I’ll be there or not. That along the way, we became so self-assured that none of us will give up so we take things for granted. We stopped making plans. We stopped changing dull days into intimate ones. We are no longer into making memories that would revive old spurs of affection. We had changes in priorities. I understand it. I really do because we’re aging and our perceptions about life shifted already and agreed that love is not always the priority here.

But sometimes, I found myself silently missing the old us. I miss the times we were so in love with each other we could spend hours talking under the glam of stars. I miss the times you would call me just to tell me you remembered me. I sometimes miss the way you would patiently wait for my time off just so I could join you and your friends for late-night drinks. I miss how you preferably chose to stay at home with me rather than go out with your workmates. I miss our adventures, the night-long cuddles, and serious talks about the future. I miss the messages I received from you telling me you adore me and how you got so lucky to have me.

I understand that you grew so used to my existence in your life, that we’re both so confident that it’ll be us until the end of time, that we stood the test of time together. But I miss you. I miss the times we felt so young and so in love. I miss the times the presence of each other was enough to seal the day.  I know you love me but I found myself silently searching for it in your actions. Our love ran dry but it’s still breathing. Our hearts became arid places of inconsistencies but practiced the right ways to survive. Our love is still here, but sometimes, I don’t know where you hide it.

I miss how we used to love each other so much but I felt like I have no right to bring it up because you’re still mine. At least, you’re still mine.