My coach told me months ago, “We have to destroy your ego and release all your attachment to the success of your book.”

I broke into an ugly cry within seconds. I interrupted that to mean she was preparing me for failure. And ultimately, that scares me more than strangers reading intimate bits and pieces about the most sacred parts of my life when they read Unapologetically Enough.

She’s said that to me many times over the last handful of months. And it’s not the first time I’ve heard it. Releasing the attachment to anything we want is a key step to manifesting. I learned that when I picked up my first book on manifesting 15 years ago.

Still, destroying my attachment and my ego to and for my book has been a roller coaster. I’m not surprised by the number of emotions that show up for me to look at when I release the attachment to any potential success.

Sadness and heartache greet me first.
Disappointment shows up for me to address next.
Confusion is usually there too at some point.
And then resentment and anger bubble up before I eventually land in a place of understanding and neutrality.

It’s exhausting.

And I do it because I know the importance of it. When we first started doing the work, my coach said I was gripping the outcome of my book’s success.

Nobody wants to sabotage their own success. I believe I created a great book. I spent close to a decade working on. it. I love Unapologetically Enough more than I have anything else I’ve ever written and so I wasn’t really surprised that I was smothering my goals and vision of how it would land in the hearts of readers.

And, the idea that I would stand in the way of its success by wanting an end result so deeply was more painful then stripping away my ego.

So for the last several months, I’ve been in a daily practice of checking in with my ego.

Every morning, I tune into how I’m feeling that day. If I feel anxious, super excited, or attached to any potential outcome of my book, Unapologetically Enough: Reshaping Success & Self-Love, I turn my attention to my self-love and mental wellness practice because those are the days destroying my ego is as painful as my first heartbreak.

I curl up on the couch and think of all the amazing possibilities unfolding in my little corner of the world. I feel into the joy, excitement, and the eagerness of wanting. I bring myself back to my center with some deep breathing and then I imagine all the amazing possibilities going away and feel into that heartache, sadness, and disappointment.

I go through this cycle as many times as it takes for me to get to a place where I’m not crying with joy or heartache when I think of one extreme or the other.

On the days I feel neutral about any possible outcome, I go about my promotional efforts. I think to myself, que sera sera. And as I’m sending off pitches to celebrity publicists or producers of mainstream media, I smile and move more freely because I remember I never had any control over any of it.

With 30 days to go until Unapologetically Enough meets the public, I have a ton of compassion for myself for the work I’ve done around ego and attachment. I’m sure I have more work to do, but for today, I’m at peace saying my book belongs to the Universe and I’m simply the vessel for it to come through.