It is beyond comprehension that, in this day and age, there is no such thing as a support group for the technologically challenged. We are people too. If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you cut us off in traffic, do we not give you the finger?

And yet we remain alone and scared in this new world that is ruled by the technologically savvy. We hang our heads in shame as we write a note using the ancient art of putting a pen to paper. We live in fear that one day in the future pens will be illegal, and that anyone found owning a sheet of paper will be publicly flogged. Fear of humiliation forces us to fumble with our tiny little cell phones that do not fix comfortably between the shoulder and ear.

We are confused by a Facebook ‘poke’. We don’t understand why we must click a button to let someone know that we ‘like’ what they have to say. And, to our shame, we do not feel the need to know the every move of our friends and family. If our second cousin, three times removed, is going to take a nap, it seems unnecessary to inform all six-hundred-and-forty-two of their closest friends.

And what is this ‘twitter’ thing? I still don’t understand. If you actively ‘twitter’, doesn’t that make you a ‘twit’? Isn’t that still a bad thing?

I have been told that the best way to search for a support group, if one exists, is to ‘google’ it. Huh? Isn’t a ‘google’ a bunch of geese? What do geese have to do with support groups?

So I fumble with my stupid cell phone. I swear at my computer when I politely ask it to perform a simple task, and it refuses. And as for my DVR … I still don’t know what that thing is supposed to do.

The good news? I have finally mastered the use of my remote control. I can change the channel, I can turn the volume up … and down! Any day now I expect to master call waiting on my cell phone.

So who needs a support group? Not me, that’s for sure. I’ll just poke that twitter, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll simply google a kindle full of spam. Oh, yeah. I’ve got this.