A strange sentiment to ponder on, especially considering the times we live in. But its strangeness only adds to its truth: our lives are blissfully brief. So much of what we do and say happen within the blink of an eye, and all that's left behind is regret. 

Over the past week, mama and I have been feeling under the weather. We've gone to the doctor, taken medicine, chosen to isolate ourselves at the back of our house. I've consumed more hot water and Kotthamalli in the past week than I have in the past decade. Mama's taken to resting her sore limbs. Dada and my brother don't seem to understand the paranoia. In a way, I find comfort in their optimism. They have more faith in our immune systems than we do. 

For context, in case you were worried: we're down with a viral. I had fever and chills for a day and I got over it pretty quickly, though the body ache remains. Mama experienced it slower than I did - an elongated kind of pain. Makes me wonder, about the way we tolerate pain: I need to get things over with, Mama likes to let things take their time, which if you know the two of us personally, you know is the complete opposite of how we deal with most things. 

The point of this is, our lives are brief. Short. Ephemeral. We live for no longer than we think we do. We are often what we've done, than who we are. We become stories of the past before our stories are even done. 

With the increasing cases of Covid-19 and the constant news of someone or the other passing away, I feel it's time I spoke of a few things I've been turning over and over, inside my own head. I don't know if this will make as much sense as it does in my head, but I hope you understand: 

1. I think of death very often. This, some of you already know. Anyone who has known me well has known how often my thoughts stray to that well defined corner in my mind. It's how I cope with life, most often. By dwelling on how brief life is, every moment becomes something special, something worthwhile. This way, every person I've ever met and every moment we've ever shared is eternally etched in my mind, a step closer to the end of a lifetime. I know it can sound morbid, but believe me it helps; it helps to know life will only ever be what you want it to be, and I choose for it to be a journey. I have a destination in mind and I pray what I do will be enough to get me there. 

2. When we were created, we were given the choice to exist. Every moment of our existence is the result of a choice we made. Though predestined, we've a unique life ahead of us because it's our choices that make us who we are. The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth crafted every detail in our life, perfect in every way, and gave us the choice to make what we can of this life, to be who we want to be and find who we were always meant to be. When you view life through this looking glass, it tends to seem ridiculously easy to survive. And it is, believe me, so long as you believe. 

3. Every one you love, loves you back. Every single one. I need you to understand that love is a spectrum. It's often a journey, not a destination. It's a process. It takes time, like most journeys do. Your love for others is almost always reciprocated. But, not always in the same magnitude, not always at the same frequency. The world is full of lovers. If you look and listen carefully, you'll begin to see it, in every conversation, every glance and every encounter. There is love here, for you, within you, for others and for your Creator. I hope you know you're loved. I hope you know you'll always be loved. And I hope one day, you'll be loved with the same magnitude, the same frequency, by the ones you love. 

4. Art is here to help you. Every piece of literature resonates the same ideas: You are here and I see you. The films you hold close to your heart, the characters you find comfort in; they were created to instill hope in you and you are allowed to steal the courage they give you so abundantly, for as long as you know, art is a companion, not a reverence. Art can only help you if you are willing to help yourself, and art can only show you what already exists within you. When you find yourself seeking for comfort in music, in tv shows and books, you'll often find yourself more drained than you felt before. This isn't because art is bad for you, no, everything in this world exists out of the goodness and Mercy of your Lord, but the role you let it play is what you need to be careful about. This art was created for you to remind you of your Creator. Almost always. Remember that. 

5. The world is vast and it's likely that you feel small, but if life was a Venn diagram, you're at the center of a whole lot of change. Everything you do impacts everyone around you and that's scary. But that's what makes living so worthwhile; you're more important than you can even fathom. You're the reason someone wants to live and you're the reason someone wants others to live. The good you try so desperately to increase and the bad you try so desperately to run away from have long since made you the you that you are today and nothing about your existence has ever been a coincidence. Believe in that. 

So yes, all our lives are brief. We're all heading towards death, some of us at full speed, others in a rickety car made of impossibilities; either way, we know forever is a myth. Life is dubiously miniscule, throbbing in the cavity of your chest as you read this. Grief will haunt you when your companions take the highway, loss will eat at the skin on your finger tips, most days will feel infinite. But joy exists in the crook of your mother's neck, in the callouses forming from all the phone-holding, in the fact that you and I exist in the same dimension, at the same time, and you and I are headed for something more permanent, more real than this has ever been and we're going to be okay. 

So if you're unwell, here's a prayer for wellness. If you're unvaccinated, here's a nudge towards the hope we've been bestowed with (speaking of which, please get vaccinated if and when you can; our lives might be brief but you really don't want to make it briefer than it already is. Vaccines buy you time, buy you comfort and buy you the privilege to live with your loved ones for a little longer). If you're looking for some hope, here's all the hope I can ever give you; you were meant to read this, you were destined to live. If you're grieving and lost and numb and tired and frustrated and confused and lonely and hoping against hope for something good to come out of this life, here's a reminder that
all our lives are brief. 

All my love (and then some), 

N x.