Wait, wait…. Don’t shut the door!

Open the Door – to letting someone into your life while getting your Life Back – DOIT.

After a devastating breakup, it’s common to avoid another relationship like we avoid trigonometry, snakes, and jumping off a cliff. But a good man can make you feel elated, sexy and able to take on the world. Oh wait, no, that’s wine. Wine makes you feel that way.

Who knows what a good man can make you feel? Please share if you know!

If you allow it though, a lousy man can help you feel miserable, like you need more wine. Shut the door on that! If you’re with someone who sucks all the air out of the room, open the door; go to another room.

Sure, I miss holding hands with someone I adore. I gleefully appreciated having a door being opened for me; It made me feel sparkly and ladylike. But if he made my life dreadful, I’d rather open my own doors.

After moving into a house by myself, I realized how handy it would be to have someone to simply hold the door. The stay-open latch on my storm door didn’t work, so I’d use my elbow to push the lever down, kick my foot inside and wrap my leg around the door. I’d use my shoulder to open it wider and bump it all the way open with my hip as I quickly slipped past the door dropping boxes as it slammed on my buttocks.

I miss having a door opened for me. I’d like to know who that first woman was anyway, the one who complained about a man opening a door for her! She slammed the door on an endearing gesture, and may have damaged future generations. She surely stifled masculine chivalry.

History proves that a man holding the door for a woman isn’t the patronizing, ego-boosting, cave man gesture feminists portrayed it to be. It started sometime after women ceased wearing animal skins and began wearing those huge hoop dresses (for what reason, I’ll never understand). Women couldn’t reach the door handle because of the hoop, so men began opening the door for us so we could get into the house to start dinner.

If you’re creative, please feel free to publish your artwork of a funny cave man – holding the door for a woman in a hoop dress (below).

Once we recycled the hoops and discovered sweatpants, men continued opening doors for women, not because we were unable, but perhaps because we were bringing the groceries and beer into the house. That is why you always bring the beer in last. Once the beer makes it inside, the door-holding typically stops.

Same thing for going out the door… when we’re taking the trash out. We have two bags and a box of garbage, beer cans for recycling, compost to dump, and glass of wine hugged to our chest. If a man is standing near the door, this is when his attentiveness becomes obvious. He’s not being condescending if he opens the door for you, then quickly closes it behind you to prevent the storm from blowing into his face. He’s being a lousy useless jerk. If this occurs, swearing is allowed, and even encouraged, as you make your trek to the trash cans behind the shed (in a blizzard).

As far as car doors go, the open-for-you courtesy is probably a similar (self-serving) concept. Walking around to your door to let you out gives him time to fart, belch, and check out the pretty woman walking down the street. Or, possibly, he just likes you and wants to show you that he can be lovable and gallant.

I’m all for the helpful gesture of men opening a door for me. I just hope that if there is ever a man in my life again, he will open the door and help take out the trash in one heroic move.

In this age of empowered women, opening doors is not just for men anymore. Holding the door for a dashing stranger could open the door to letting Mr. Wonderful into your life. It might be your chance to adopt an open-door policy.

Brain Teaser: If you are entering, and look back to see that there is a hunky, handsome dreamboat to hold the door for, then he stops to tie his shoe, what do you do?

Hint: You can’t stand there for 42 seconds holding the door for him. Gawking at his tanned muscular legs is impolite. His bulging biceps can probably open the door for himself without your genteel courtesy, or curiosity. Then again, heck, you may not get another chance to trip into his arms. (I learned that maneuver from Hallmark movies.)

Let me define Basic Door-Handling-Etiquette for you.

When you notice someone coming with a load of belongings, it is polite to stand and hold the door for them, but there is an uneasy and undefined rhythm to door-control cordiality.

When you hold the door open for the person behind you, but then two more people are coming, and six more after them, you need to rethink your position. Did you intend to become the doorman? It’s a difficult decision… depending on how attractive that man at the end of the crowd stream is. You never want to miss an open-door opportunity.

Never block your own access to a new passage. You have to ask yourself… would he be worth the wait? If he gets closer and gives you the creeps, you are justified in turning around and pulling the door closed behind you.

On the other hand, if anyone yells “hey, hold the door” you have no choice.

And finally, if you are in a hurry, but notice the man of your dreams behind you, remember your manners. You can thoughtfully fall back into the door to hold it for him to pass you. Your next move is to simulate being stuck to the door. See what happens.

If you’re alone, and don’t want to be alone forever, keep opening doors, and keep the door open – especially if he is chivalrous enough to pick you up off the floor after you fell trying to open it for him. He could turn out to be a door-opener.