Smaug the Tremendous and Mighty busied himself taking a bath within his hills of gold, rolling over and scrubbing at his scales with coins and jewels until they glistened as brightly as the gemstones themselves. He must look his best for the approaching award ceremony, after all–even if it was a tedious and nonsense ceremony designed by inferior humans. He must always look his most terribly best while in public! Even before lowly worms. Such was his pride.

With a final shake, and some added hone...