October 31, 2022, marked twelve years of marriage for Colleen and me. We chose to celebrate the way we always do; by scaring the crap out of trick or treaters.

The yard was set up with an archway of pumpkins that Colleen had airbrushed on some corrugated board and taped in place on a metal frame. We placed four gargoyles along the driveway path and set up the lighting. At the beginning of the driveway, to the left Colleen set up a projection screen that had hands trying to claw their way out.

As the little kiddies walked up to our house they saw me sitting under the archway with a small table in front of me. They continued up the driveway bypassing Colleen who was out of sight on the other side of the projection screen.

When they were close enough I told them that we were going to play a game. (I failed to mention that this was a con game.) I showed them three skulls and a little white ball; the skull’s eyeball. Lifting each of the skulls to show nothing underneath, I explained that their job was to keep track of the eyeball. If they can correctly pick which skull the eyeball was under, then they win the big candy (full sized candy bars that lined the back edge of my table). But if they lose, they have to go see her (I pointed behind them where Colleen was now standing at the edge of the driveway) for the smaller candy.

All the kids lost. (I did mention that this WAS a con game, right?) If there were a group of kids I told them to pick one to play for the group. When they lost I gave someone else a chance to pick one of the remaining two skulls. Damn if they still couldn’t win!

One kid shouted to his friends that he was going to play because he had seen this on YouTube. “I know this! I know this! We’re going to win!” He was smiling and jumping around in full-sized chocolate enthusiasm.

He lost.

Then he cried foul by saying this was a trick. “Of course this was a trick,” I told him, “And if you ever see this game being played in real life, don’t play because you’ll lose all your money.” (An educational public service announcement courtesy of EvilDan.)

So that was their “Trick” and now they had to go see Colleen dressed as a clown with two big gashes in her face for their “Treat.” As they walked away, I picked up my Aztec Death Whistle and when they were about two thirds of the way to Colleen, I blew into it. For those of you not familiar with an Aztec Death Whistle it sounds like a shriek of death – like someone about to be brutally murdered and screaming at the top of their lungs in a last-ditch effort to survive.

Oh they joy I experienced as I watched the little legs tremble and shake and then quickly turn around to see what caused that hellish sound. And all they saw was me, casually looking up at them from my skulls and shrugging my shoulders, “What?”

Now there was this one cute little princess that came up with her parents. I explained the game to them, and the little princess was eager to play. She guessed wrong on the first try. She cried out, “Oh, darn!” and quickly turned around knowing that she now had to go see “her” for the little candy and didn’t want to waste any time because there was still a lot of Trick or Treating to do before the night was over.

I stopped her and told her I’d give her another chance.

Wouldn’t you know that she picked the correct skull on her second try!

I pointed to the four full sized candy bars and asked her which one she wanted. Without any hesitation, she pointed to the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, my favorite right after Chunky. As she walked away, I looked at what remained, a Kit Kat, a PayDay, and a Hershey’s Chocolate Bar. As she approached Colleen I chose not to blow the Aztec Death Whistle. Chose? Well, maybe not chose. Perhaps I was too lost in my thoughts second-guessing myself and thinking, “Maybe I shouldn’t have let her win.”