Apparently when I get my holidays like the Friday and Monday around Easter, it's costing the economy billions (according to the politicians on the magic box). I'll remember this next time I go to make a beverage during work hours. They obv don't call it Nestcafe Gold for nothing.

We went to Keswick over the weekend, which was a much needed escape from city life (although I did become homesick and find myself intrusively closing in on people's personal space, just for comfort). Even though it rained the whole time, we still managed to get lots done, such as jumping off waterfalls and kayaking around small lake-islands.

At one point we arrived on a deserted island and ate a packed lunch. An overly protective duck spent half of its time pestering us for food and the other half chasing away another male duck from its lady-pal. I'm frankly a little offended that it didn't consider me as much of a threat — I mean, she wasn't much to look at. It just thought of me as some over-sized food vendor. When we went back to our kayak, some obnoxious family had anchored a motorised boat right in front of our kayak. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't on a deserted island, in the middle of nowhere, with 'prime anchor-able beach' in every direction. Anyway, I hope they were eaten by black smoke and hunted by a polar bear, over an unnecessarily long, drawn out period of time (Lost reference).

It was overall a very enjoyable experience with a couple of restaurant experiences, stunning-scenic walks, hippie multi-coloured sheep and 'No likey — no lighty' Take Me Out entertainment over a bottle of wine and a B&B room. For reference, the B&B was called Amble House in Keswick and was absolutely worth every penny, the owners are lovely people and go the extra mile.

We went down to breakfast each morning and were brought pre-ordered hot food such as full English, ommlettes, toast etc and were provided with fresh fruit, teas, yogurts and more choice than you would ever need. I'm curious as to why the sign stated an award of AA breakfast. What do you need for AA+ or AAA? Is your food brought to you by those dancing waiters from The Polar Express? Maybe Bruce Willis takes down a global terrorist in front of you and then finishes off with a well aimed bullet through the middle of your bagel? I have no idea.

We made it to the station on the way home, for a train first to Crewe and then down to London Euston. Following a confused wait in the customer service queue, we were told that our train didn't, in fact, exist. Our 44 mins passed the hour train we had been sold tickets for (which we now held in our hands), had never (and more importantly, would never at 44 mins passed the hour) existed. What is this, the freak'n Hogwart's Express?

After standing in a cramped corridor in a train that looked similar to our mythical one, we made it to Crewe. After getting on the train there to London Euston (which thankfully existed this time), someone was typically in our seat. A large, digital sign above the person's head clearly stated in all its Virgin Train glory, 'Available'. After an understandably short tempered lady went off to find another seat that was available until otherwise dis-proven (digital age, my arse), we got to enjoy the Virgin experience. It's probably quite similar to the virgin experience that many a sacrificial altar of olden days would have seen, but at least we were almost home.

We came home to a hose-pipe ban in the p***ing rain. Not only can I not afford a London garden, flowers or a hose-pipe, but if I had plants that were still thirsty after 3 days of rain, I'd be well prepared to point a finger at the likely route of our water-shortage problems.