The sage stays behind, thus he is ahead.

He is detached, thus at one with all.

Through selfless action, he attains fulfillment.

Tao Te Ching - Verse 7
(Translated by Gia-Fu Feng)
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By putting others first, by detaching yourself from all things (or, to build on yesterday’s post, by seeing yourself in others and others in yourself), you can become one with all. That’s easier said than done, of course. Giving no thought to self is a biological obstacle ingrained in your DNA. The ego is an unconscious survival mechanism concerned with self-preservation. To consciously overcome that takes practice and effort.

One way I try to employ this is by listening. I’ve found most people I come across just want to talk about themselves. Very few are skilled in the art of dialogue. One of my pet peeves is when people plow over you in a conversation they’re already dominating in order to say more about themselves. I can’t help but wonder what’s going on in their head, and wonder if I were to replace myself with a garbage can with my face on it if they’d even notice. Unfortunately I rarely carry a lifesize photo of my face around, so instead I just end up listening. Because what is the alternative: Talking over them as they’re talking over me? I’d rather go with the natural flow of things.

I don’t need to talk anyway; I already know what I have to say. But by listening I might be able to learn something, or at least get a chance to observe human nature. And, as the beginning of this verse translates to, “Heaven and Earth are eternal. Why are they eternal? They don’t live for themselves, thus they are present for all beings.” So maybe these people need someone to be present for them, like Heaven and Earth are present for me.

(That said, my favorite is when at some point they ask something like, “You don’t really say much, do you?” At which point I’m tempted to blurt out, “That’s because you’re a fucking BULLDOZER!” But I don’t. I just shake my head in agreement because I know another wave of monologue will wash over me soon.)