The Master said,
“Rotten wood cannot be carved;
a wall of dung cannot be whitewashed.

[...]

It used to be that with people,
when I heard what they said
I trusted their conduct would match.
Now I listen to what they say and observe their conduct.”

Analects of Confucius - Book 5, Chapter 10
(Translated by Robert Eno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friends, family, colleagues, strangers: All of these at some time or another will do something contrary to what they say. No one is perfect.

I understand this, but I’m still triggered by it. I’ve found it boils down to failed expectations, and my attachment to them.

I’ve been embracing this concept of “non-attachment” lately, and it’s truly something to keep at the forefront of the mind. Any time feelings of anger, sorrow, or anxiety bubble up, I meet them with the mantra “non-attachment” and they immediately lessen their hold over me. From there I can view the situation from an objective point of view and evaluate.

A one time offense is merely something to be noted, but repeating patterns are what should be taken into consideration. Still, your emotions aren’t to get involved, but your perception, opinion, and relationship with the other person might change. (It’s more difficult when that other person has influence over your life, like a boss, for example, but getting emotional over the situation never helps anything.)

It may result in outgrowing people you once looked up to, accepting that, and moving on. It’s the attachment of what that person was “supposed to be” to you that nags at your feelings. Ultimately, though, other people’s words and actions are out of your control. All you can do is keep your own word and hope to be a shining influence for others.

Something I wrote in my journal the other day was:

Drop need. Drop desire. Drop expectations.
Embrace flow. Embrace neutrality. Embrace non-attachment.

This mindset has helped mitigate the emotional response to things out of my control as of late. And so I pass that along to you to do with it as you will.