Hatreds never cease through hatred in this world;
through love alone they cease.
This is an eternal law.

The Dhammapada - Chapter 1, Verse 5
(Translated by Nārada Thera)
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The other night I did three hours in the float tank. Sounds like a while, but I got so emerged in processing past traumas that it was really a timeless experience.

One thing that popped up was some anger I’ve been holding onto since high school. I was surprised to see this incident pop up, as I thought I’d moved through it already, but this was a slightly different angle of the same experience. (Goes to show how long even the nuanced baggage will linger in your body if you never address it.)

I let my body do as it will in this relaxed state as I face the same reoccurring emotions. Oftentimes that includes unwinding in weird positions, certain muscle contractions, or even an uncontrolled (almost seizure-like) shaking of the head at times. It’s really quite strange to observe, and not as easily achieved in meditations where gravity and other stimuli are involved. It’s like the negative tensions are being squeezed out like a towel wrung out of water.

(Reminds me of a book on my bookshelf I keep meaning to read called The Body Keeps The Score.)

I’m continually surprised by how many layers of the onion there are to peel away. Countless times I’ve addressed major incidents in my life and thought, “There. I’m all healed now!” Nope. More subtle layers still exist as I dig further and further. (I guess it makes sense since there’s thirty plus years of life to dig through, but most of them seem to stem from adolescence and earlier--the most formative years, I suppose.)

Something that came to mind after being wrung out was how the other person involved was a “pawn” of God (for lack of a better term), steering me down a path that’s influenced the life I live today. I held onto hatred for this person for so long, but now I could see this was a really brother of mine, shaping me into the man I am now. Without his actions, who knows what path my life could have taken. It may have been something completely different, less desirable, not the same it is now. Who knows. In realizing this, the hatred I once had became love, and the tension gone.