i tried to wait for you • i didn’t want to leave without seeing you • but something came up • they said it was urgent • that it couldn’t wait • i wish i hadn’t listened • i wish i waited •

i wanted to be there when you first opened your eyes • i wanted my smile to be the first light you saw • it wouldn’t be as bright as the sun • but it would be genuine • i even bought a polaroid • your mother showed me how to use it • we had it all planned out • we would do a shoot once you made a week •

it’s been three weeks now • your mother says you’re beautiful • i refuse to see pictures • i know it’s weird but i asked her not to send any • i want the first time i see you to be the first time i see you •

she says your brothers are watching over you • i’m proud of them • i’m also jealous of them • they’ve seen you • they’ve held you • and i only hear about you • i hear you cry out when i’m on the phone with your mother • i tell myself it’s a sign you know something is missing • i tell myself you miss my voice • that you miss me • even never having met me • i tell myself you know me • the same way i know you •