Guam jokes in the style of world-famous comedians

There’s been so much talk about OpenAI’s technology named, probably by engineers, ChatGPT. Of course, most of you already know and use ChatGPT. If not, signup for a free account at chat.openai.com.

The GPT part stands for Generative Pre-trained Transformer, and no, it’s neither an Autobot nor a Decepticon, I asked. You can ask it anything and it will give you an answer, or when it can’t or does not want to get into trouble, it will remind you that it’s just a machine.

If you have an employee that previously never wrote anything longer than a sentence and is now writing multi-page reports and longer-than-necessary emails, chances are they’ve learned how to use ChatGPT. The same goes for students, and there is a raging debate on banning the use of AI in schools.

A fun thing to do with ChatGPT is to have it write creative musings in the style of famous people. So, prompted to write Guam jokes, here’s a small selection of what it composed, with nuances preserved, though edited for length.

Here’s ChatGPT’s version of a Robin Williams-style joke about Guam.

“Guam, ah yes, the little island that could. It’s so small, you could fit it in the palm of your hand. But don’t let its size fool you, Guam is a force to be reckoned with. They may not have the tallest skyscrapers or the fastest internet, but they’ve got something even more impressive: the largest K-Mart in the world! And when you’re done shopping, be sure to take a dip in the crystal-clear waters or visit the local Chamorro villages for some cultural immersion. Yes, Guam may be small, but it packs a big punch. So, if you’re ever feeling down, just remember: Guam is always ready to welcome you with open arms and a lei around your neck. Aloha!”

ChatGPT tries a Chris Rock-style joke about how far Guam is from the states.

“Man, have you ever been to Guam? That place is so far, you might as well be on another planet! Don’t even get me started on the flight over there. It’s like, you board the plane, you fall asleep, you wake up, and you’re still on the damn plane!

You’re like, ‘Uh, excuse me, flight attendant, I think we missed Guam, can you turn this thing around?’

I’m telling you, if you want to get away from it all, go to Guam. You’ll be so far away, you’ll forget what day it is. But on the bright side, at least you’ll have time to catch up on all those movies you’ve been meaning to watch.”

A la Sarah Silverman-

“You know what’s interesting about Guam? It’s like a little slice of Hawaii, but with its own unique flavor. I mean, both places have those beautiful beaches, crystal-clear waters, and delicious food.

But Guam adds its own twist to things, you know? Like, have you ever tried finadene? It’s like soy sauce and lemon with a tangy, spicy kick that’ll knock your socks off. And don’t even get me started on the music.

It’s like a mashup of reggae, Polynesian rhythms, and hip hop. It’s like, ‘Aloha meets Hafa Adai, y’all!’ But you know what’s really cool about Guam? It’s still got that laid-back vibe, that local charm, that makes you feel like you’re part of the community. And that’s the best part about traveling, right? Not just seeing the sights, but experiencing the culture, getting to know the people. So, if you’re ever in Guam, forget about the tourist traps and go where the locals go. You’ll be glad you did. Mahalo, and Hafa Adai!”

And, of course, since he’s coming to Guam in June, our favorite Pinoy comic, Jo Koy.

“Guam, my favorite island in the world. I mean, have you ever been to Guam, people? That place is like a little slice of paradise, mixed with a little bit of crazy. It’s like, you got your beautiful beaches, your delicious food, and your crazy drivers. I swear, those Chamorro drivers are like Mario Andretti on steroids.

But you know what’s even crazier? The roosters. Those damn roosters are everywhere, crowing at all hours of the day and night.

I mean, I get it, you want to wake up early and get the worm, but do you have to wake up the entire island? But you know what they say, if you can’t beat ’em, eat ‘em!

And let me tell you, Chamorro cuisine is out of this world. From red rice to chicken kelaguen, it’s a flavor explosion in your mouth. And don’t even get me started on the fiestas. Those Chamorros know how to party. It’s like, ‘Hey, welcome to Guam, here’s a lei and a shot of firewater; let’s dance!’ So, if you want to have the time of your life, book a ticket to Guam, and tell ’em Jo Koy sent you.”

It’s amazing how much local humor it knows. When you read it with the voice of the comic in your head, it works, right? So go do your own prompts and share the best in the comments. It sounds like the Guam Visitors Bureau has coopted ChatGPT with every result inviting you to the island. Perhaps it’s time to add Guam to your travel list.