I've finally found the courage to post a blog. But who'd be interested in me? I'm a new author with a book about talking animals.

I was told by a former teacher-turned-copy-editor that nobody reads books about talking animals these days. Well, Mrs Whatever your name was, I'm glad I didn't listen to you, as my first weeks sales of books clearly shows there is some interest at least.

But what do I talk about now? Do I post gushing things about my journey to get here? No. Who wants to know that? Surely all authors do the same. How about some jokes? I only know two, and they're rubbish - What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. - What's brown and sticky? A stick.

That's as funny as I get. And let's face it, collecting my dogs 'leavings' in a bag as she merrily trots off up the road, leaving me fumbling to try and tie the plastic up without poking my finger through, is funnier than my two jokes.

And they want me to stand up in front of schools and somehow promote my book too? I can barely stand up in front of friends to talk about it without turning beetroot red and letting out a high pitched nervous squeak from behind.

So a blog is required. I have childish toilet humour for one. Where will that get me?

How about a deep thought out poem?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've written an amazing book
Please buy it as you wont regret being drawn into an amazing world where animals will fight to the death for the greater good.

I think that just slips right off the tongue, don't you?

Lets see what happens.